The other side of sadness: what the new science of bereavement tells us about life after loss

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The other side of sadness: what the new science of bereavement tells us about life after loss

The Other Side of Sadness ALSO BY GEORGE A. BONANNO Emotions The Other Side of Sadness What the New Science of Be

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Pages 248 Page size 453.36 x 677.52 pts Year 2011

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The Other Side of Sadness

ALSO

BY

GEORGE A. BONANNO

Emotions

The Other Side of Sadness What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss

GEORGE A. BONANNO

B lllX)KS

A Mernher of the Perseus Books Group New York

Copyright © 2009 by George A. Bonanno Published by Basic Books, A Member of the Perseus Books Group All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, address the Perseus Books Group, 387 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016-8810. Books published by Basic Books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases in the United States by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For more information, please contact the Special Markets Department at the Perseus Books Group, 2300 Chestnut Street, Suite 200, Philadelphia, PA 19103, or call (800) 810-4145, ext. 5000, or e-mail [email protected]. Designed by Trish Wilkinson Set in 11.5-point Granjon Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Bonanno, George A. The other side of sadness: what the new science of bereavement tells us about life after loss I George A. Bonanno p.

em.

ISBN 978-0-465-01360-9 (alk. paper)

I. Loss (Psychology) 2. Bereavement-Psychological aspects. I. Title. BF575.D35B66 2009 2009019165

155.9'37-dc22 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

For Maria Bonanno, my mothe1; my friend, and my hero.

Contents

Author's Note

vm

CHAPTER 1

The Worst Thing That Could Ever H a ppen

CHAPTER 2

A B i t of H i story

11

CHAPTER 3

Sadness and Laughter

25

Resil ience

45

CHAPTER 5

Whatever Gets You Th rough the Night

67

CHAPTER 6

Relief

83

CHAPTER 7

When Grief Ta kes Over

95

CHAPTER 8

Terror and C uriosity

113

CHAPTER 9

Between Was and I s and Will Be

131

CHAPTER 10

I magining the Afterl i fe

145

CHAPTER 11

C h inese Be reavement R i tual

169

CHAPTER 12

T h r i v i ng in the Face of Adversity

195

CHAPTER

4

Acknowledgments

205

Notes Index

207 229

VII

Author's Note

W ith the exception of Sondra Si nger Beaulieu, the names and personal details of the people described in this book h ave been changed to pro­ tect confi dentiality.

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