1,229 77 517KB
Pages 143 Page size 612 x 792 pts (letter) Year 2007
The Art Of War For Dating How To Conquer Any Woman, Anytime, Anywhere
By Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved
2
Table of Contents Part 1: How Women Work Chapter 1: How Women Think ………….......................................... 07 Chapter 2: It’s In Her Genes! …………........................................... 11
Part 2: How To Be The Guy You Need To Be To Attract Women Chapter 3: Confidence …………...................................................... 17 Chapter 4: Be Intriguing ………….................................................... 32 Chapter 5: No More Mr. Nice Guy! ……………………..................... 38 Chapter 6: Cockiness Done Right …………..................................... 58
Part 3: The Approach and The Art Of Conversation Chapter 7: Mentally Preparing For The Approach …………............ 63 Chapter 8: The Actual Approach …………....................................... 68 Chapter 9: The Art Of Conversation ………….................................. 76
Part 4: Unstoppable Techniques For Attracting Women Chapter 10: Specific Techniques To Be Used In Battle ………........ 92 Chapter 11: Mistakes Guys Make With Women ………................ 110
Part 5: Body Language and Voice Chapter 12: Secrets Of Body Language ……………….................. 122 Chapter 13: Voice …………………………………………................ 132
Part 6: Romance and Style Chapter 14: Romance Done Right ………………………................ 138 Chapter 15: Style …….................................................................... 140
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
3
Introduction In his famous book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu spoke about using resourcefulness, momentum, cunning, flexibility, integrity, secrecy, speed, positioning, surprise, deception and manipulation to defeat an opponent. He used phrases like, “Lure them in with the prospect of gain, take them by confusion" and "Invincibility is in oneself, vulnerability is in the opponent." In this book I will teach you to take on a totally new, almost war-like mindset in order to show you how to meet and attract any woman, anywhere, at any time. By the time you finish reading this book you will immediately be able to utilize an arsenal of proven methods and techniques for “conquering” beautiful women.
The past does not equal the future. Take this statement and embed it in your mind. The record of what has been has nothing to do with what you can accomplish in the future. At this very moment you can decide to be the person you want to be and design and entirely new life for yourself. While we need to leave the past in the past, we need to learn from it so that we don’t keep making the same mistakes. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
4
Meeting and attracting beautiful women is an art. It’s not random at all. There are rules and proven methods – which I’ll teach you in this book. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That’s right – If you are trying to meet women the same way you’ve always been and expect that sooner or later they will start responding to these same methods – YOU ARE INSANE!
Why Listen To Me? Here’s a little background on me and some reasons why you should take my advice. I wasn’t the dorky guy who never got girls and then all of a sudden read a bunch of stuff and started getting tons of women. I was always pretty good with women but still made tons of mistakes that most guys make with them. I got my degree in Psychology from a major university which taught me a lot about human desires, but that was nothing compared to the education I got while promoting and managing nightclubs in New York City for 8 years. For years, I spent at least 5 nights a week at the hottest nightclubs in New York City surrounded by the hottest and most attitude infused women in the world. In my early twenties I developed The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
5
an extreme desire to really understand the dynamics between men and women and became infatuated with learning about what makes women tick. So for years, I’ve researched and read every book and studied every program there is about relationships and attracting women. I’ve read literally thousands of books on the topic. Since then I’ve spent my years coaching guys around the country on how to attract and meet women. I’ve taken what I’ve learned from the books and research and combined it with my first hand experience in the nightclubs of New York City to bring you the best, no-nonsense information on the topic.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
6
Part 1: How Women Work
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
7
Chapter 1: How Women Think Women Don’t Know What They Want Do you find yourself listening to the advice of female friends about how to attract women and often find that it doesn’t work? I did for years. I even made the ultimate mistake of asking girls I was dating how I should act. Many guys have the mentality that if they want to learn about what women want, they should ask women. It seems logical enough but it doesn’t work for one major reason – Women don’t know what they want! It’s a sad reality that very few women will actually admit to you. A woman’s emotions are all over the place because of hormones and thousands of years of genetic coding. She is constantly battling whether to follow primal urges or to listen to advice from women’s magazines or friends, or her conscience. One day she might be in the mood for a sensitive guy, the next a funny guy, then a week later she’s in the mood for a musician type. One day she wants a guy who’s domineering and the next a sweet sensitive guy who gives her all the space in the world.
To prove this, all we need to do is look at the book "Blink" written by
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
8
Malcolm Gladwell. In the book he examines what he calls "The power of thinking without thinking". The concept is that the reasons that we SAY we do things are often very different than the reasons we actually do them. Gladwell talks about a study done by two Columbia University professors who set up speed dating events in New York City. The men at the events were given 6 minutes to talk to eight different women to see if there was an attraction there. After meeting everyone in the room, the men and women were given a secret ballot to check off which people they were interested in. If both people checked off each other, they were given each others' email addresses. The professors asked all of the women to fill out a questionnaire before each speed dating event, after the event, one month later and six months later. The questionnaire asked the women to rate what they were looking for in a mate on a scale of 1 to 10. The categories are: Attractiveness, shared Interests, sense of humor, sincerity, intelligence and ambition. After each 6 minute date, they were also asked to rate the person they just dated on the same scale. After repeating this "experiment" an innumerous amount of times what the professors found was astounding. The questionnaire that the women filled out about what they were looking for in a mate The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
9
and the guys that they actually selected had absolutely no correlation. In fact, what they said they wanted in a man and the men they choose were often completely opposite. Another amazing observation made by the professors was that the women's ranking order of what they were looking for often changed the day after the event. They found that if a woman met a few guys that she liked who were more "attractive and funny" than "sincere and intelligent", the next day when she filled out the same questionnaire, her preference order would completely change. She'd all of a sudden rank attractive and funny higher than sincere and intelligent. After doing this experiment with thousands of women, this pattern held true in almost all cases! Another thing that happened in almost all of these cases was that when filling out the same questionnaire one month later they'd go back to the original answers they had chosen the first day they filled the questionnaire out.
This doesn't necessarily mean that women have no idea what they want, it's just incomplete. This is where you step in with your confidence and technique to "complete" it. The description that she starts with of her ideal mate is her conscious ideal. But much of this The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
10
goes out the window when subconscious thought, feelings and genetic programming kick in. This is why you need to take what a woman says about what she wants in a man with a grain of salt. Never assume that you're not her type, even if she says it. YOU can easily become the type of man she wants.
Throw Logic Out the Window I'm about to tell about a mistake that 99% of guys (who haven't read this book) make when trying to get a woman to like them. They try to use logic to appeal to women. They try to reason their way into to her pants. This will NEVER work. Why? Because women work very differently then men. The sooner you understand and accept that the better off you’ll be. Women are not creatures of logic - they are creatures of FEELING. They don't use their brains to feel attraction and most men spend the majority of their time trying to appeal to her brain instead of making her feel. You can never convince a woman to have feelings for you if she doesn't. Watching a guy try to convince a girl to like him can be fun to watch. It’ll never work because women are genetically programmed to use feeling, not logic, as their primary gauge of attraction. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
11
Chapter 2: It’s In Her Genes! Genetic Programming Whether we want to admit it or not, human beings are to a large degree victims of our genetic programming. No matter what a woman says or how civilized, cultured or progressive she tries to be, she has very specific evolutionary characteristics that she’s attracted to. This is great news for us because all we have to do is embrace those characteristics and we’ll have women falling all over us. A major character trait that females of all species are programmed to be attracted to is status. In the animal kingdom females are told by Mother Nature to mate with the dominant males of her species. It is no different for human beings. When female animals go into heat, they search out the strongest males to mate with in order to preserve the race and create strong offspring. When a woman feels excited and wild over a guy she’s feeling the same genetically programmed response that an animal feels when it goes into heat. She can’t help these feelings. The female animal in nature goes for the seemingly unattainable, powerful, untamable male. No matter what she says or
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
12
how much she tries to fight these instincts it’s simply factual that they exist inside her. All of this information is encoded in her genetic structure.
Women need to feel this wild, uncontrollable attraction. They don’t logically choose it – they feel it or not. You can buy her flowers for the next ten years and it won’t matter unless you make her FEEL this attraction to you. Women don’t care how things work; they care how things make them feel. In all of the romance novels and soap operas women have been devouring since they were kids, the leading males are always untamable, strong men who sweep women off their feet. This is the quality that many “jerks” have. Women don’t like the fact that the guy is actually a jerk – it’s just that jerks have a tendency to have more of this primal, uncontrollable dominance that the weaker, “nice” guys don’t have. They can’t help it fellas. They are simply responding to Mother Nature. Estrogen is a drug that induces feeling. It makes women want and need to feel everything. Testosterone is a hormone of aggression/achievement and dominance. The sooner we realize and accept these facts, the easier time we’ll have understanding the dating world. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
13
So what exactly are some of these traits that she’s genetically programmed to desire?
Physical Strength Women are genetically programmed to desire a physically strong man. Now don’t go running off to buy steroids because this doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants a guy like the incredible Hulk. In fact when a guy gets too huge muscularly many women see that as a compensation for other weaknesses. What they do desire is a fit man, who walks with his head up high, with his shoulders back, showing complete confidence. I will teach you many techniques in the book that will make women see you as a physically strong creature.
Ambition Ambition is a great attribute to have because it helps women rationalize why they’d be with a “weaker” man. Major ambition is usually enough to tell a woman that at some point soon, you’ll be the dominant male she’s looking for and as long as she has the patience to wait, she’ll give you a chance. I remember watching Jerry Maguire The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
14
listening to Renee Zellweger say, “I love him for the man he almost is” and thinking “What a bitch. What’s wrong with the man he is right now”. Then I realized that she couldn’t help it. It was her genetic programming that wanted him to be the strongest man he could be. Yes I know it’s just a movie but it’s a perfect example of how women think. His ambition to be the strong male was enough to keep her interested. Another reason that ambition is so attractive is because women are programmed to look for the instinct in you that wants to be dominant. Most men assume that they need to have lots of money and power to get women when in fact; you don’t need to be rich or “powerful” right now to attract women. Women are equally as attracted to the trait in you that desires to get rich, powerful and successful.
Modesty Never be blatantly boastful. Once you develop a real self-confidence it will shine through in your actions. Any man that feels the need to talk about how great he is in bed or what a great athlete he is will seem weak. Women have a built in radar that let’s them spot the difference between real and fake confidence. Instead show with your The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
15
actions what an amazing person you are and always be humble about it. I will teach you in this book how to always appear humble while secretly sneaking in brags in a way that women can’t detect them.
These are just a few of the characteristics that women are genetically programmed to desire. Let me stop the list here and move on the next chapter where I’ll begin to tell you how to start making these qualities a part of your very being.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
16
Part 2: How To Be The Guy You Need To Be To Attract Women!
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
17
Chapter 3: Confidence People feel good about themselves when they are around confident people. When you exude confidence and feel great about yourself, people (and most importantly females) will want to be around you. You create a glow around you that women want to be a part of. They can tell that you feel good about yourself and they want to feel that way about themselves. They will draw close to you, hoping it will rub off on them.
When I was younger, I wasn’t always confident around women. I sometimes felt inadequate and unsure of myself. Instead of letting this lack of confidence eat me alive, I went out and learned all I could about how to increase my confidence. I went to the library and bought every book imaginable about confidence. I started applying everything I learned in my real life and eventually I became the strong, confident guy I always dreamed of being. I’m about to share with you the most important things I learned and the confidence building techniques that made me who I am today.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
18
Why you are actually just as good looking as Brad Pitt Before I get into specific techniques about how to become confident let me break down the myth that you must be the quintessential “good looking” guy to get women.
What if I was to tell you that you are equally as good looking as Brad Pitt? I bet you’d think I’m crazy. Well actually it’s true. The expression, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is 100% accurate. What is it about slight variations in facial and body structure that make one person better than the next? It’s the way the viewer perceives them. In fact, modern science is beginning to show us that we don’t actually see anything with our eyes. What actually happens is that we gather information from our eyes and create an image in our brain based on millions of variables stemming from social conditioning and pre-conceived notions. I want you to picture someone who you’ve known for several years. How do you look at them? Would you say they are attractive overall? Now think about the first day you met them. Really try to picture how you viewed them the first day you saw them. I bet it’s at least somewhat different than how you view them now. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
19
More proof that you are really no different than Brad Pitt comes when we examine the historical perception of beauty. In Ancient Egypt, fat men were considered extremely attractive, as it indicated that the person was rich enough to afford a lot of food and avoid physical labor. While we spend time on the beach working on our tan, in the early Mediterranean societies women were seeking out pale men. This was an indication that a man was wealthy and didn’t have to work outside. In fact, people used to cover their entire bodies when going outside to avoid getting tan.
If a woman of today sees you having yellow teeth she’ll assume you have bad breath and you don’t take care of yourself. In Japan and Europe there was a time when men would dye their teeth black because women found it attractive. Sugar at the time was very expensive. Once they became aware of sugar's ability to rot teeth, many rich, fashion-conscious people blackened their teeth to prove how much sugar they could afford.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
20
For centuries men used to purposely scar their face because it showed that they were brave and didn’t back down from battle. Women found grotesque and numerous scars on a man attractive.
Fast forwarding to modern times - I remember seeing a special on TV about the supermodel Giselle and Leonardo DiCaprio recently. They were doing some kind of missionary work on an island in the middle of nowhere. Based on our American standards, the people on the island were hideously ugly. An interviewer asked one of the natives if they’d like Leonardo and Giselle to stay on the island with them. Not knowing that Giselle and Leo were dating, the guy answered that he’d love them to stay but they’d probably never find mates because they are so ugly. This guy actually thought that these two American icons of beauty were the ugly ones! So back to my original point and the really good news; YES - you are as good looking as Brad Pitt. That’s the good news. The bad news is that women of our time and culture are socially conditioned by everything around them to find him more attractive than “us mere mortals”. While it’s certainly an uphill battle to try to convince a woman that you are better looking than Brad Pitt off the bat, with proper technique you can shift her perception of The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
21
beauty. Think about it this way. For every feature on him, there is some specific socially or genetically programmed reason why she finds it attractive. Let’s examine a couple of Brad’s features and show how eventually she can find your features equally as attractive. Let’s look at his prominent cheek bones and strong jaw line and chin. In Western societies, men and women of all races often agree that a face with pronounced cheekbones and often a heavily-set jaw is physically attractive. These are currently viewed as indicative of a masculine, confident personality. Now, let’s say you have no cheekbone structure and an extremely tiny chin but you are incredible confident and masculine. In fact, you are the most confident man she’s ever met. You have just set a new precedent for what confident means to her. I agree that for the first meeting or two she’ll probably still say that Brad is more attractive than you, but after a while those old cultural views that she had associated with a strong chin can be replaced by even more powerful associations about having hardly any chin at all. A “chinless” guy will actually become her new symbol of confidence and masculinity. If you were to break up with her, she’d actually go out and search for a guy with a tiny chin because she now assumes that it’s somehow associated with confidence. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
22
So what’s the lesson to be learned about all this? If you don’t look like Brad Pitt, don’t worry about it. With extreme confidence and the right techniques you will actually become her new standard for beauty and masculinity. Keep this in mind when you are out meeting women. You need to know that her view of beauty is so paper-thin and penetrable that you have no reason to ever feel insecure. Be confident that with the right attitude you can actually become the vision for what beauty is in her eyes. The Soprano Factor Here’s an example that proves that a strong, confident personality can blind a woman to the fact that you aren’t classically handsome. I was hanging out with a group of girls I know watching Sopranos a few of years ago. To my complete shock one of the girls bursted out almost as if she couldn’t help but say it ,“Mmmmmmmm… he is sooooo hot!”. On the screen all I see are Tony and Carmela Soprano. I immediately think she couldn’t be talking about anyone on the screen because obviously Tony Soprano is a fat, balding guy. So I start looking around the room and see some photos on a table next to the TV. In one of the photos I see a picture of one of the girls with her arm around some guy. I assumed that must have been who she was The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
23
saying mmmmmmm about. I didn’t really give it much thought and kept watching the show. A little while later, one of the other girls says, “Yeah, he really is hot”. I finally realize that they are talking about Tony Soprano. How could this possibly be? I was so confused. These girls were drooling over Tony Soprano like he was a piece of steak. I asked the other three girls in the room if they thought he was attractive as well. To my astonishment, all but one of them thought he was hot. They said, “There’s just something about him. I don’t know what it is”. I couldn’t believe my ears. This was the ultimate proof to me that with the right attitude, ANY man can be considered attractive to women. Now after years of studying the psychology of attraction, I understand what it is they were talking about. Tony Soprano displays a huge amount of confidence and strength. He speaks in a commanding, authoritative tone. He’s the kind of guy that will put a woman in her place if she gets out of line with him. He will call her out on any silly games she plays. He is always in control of the situation. So no matter how ugly you are, if you can get women to think that you are strong, in control and confident – they will find you attractive! This is great news for all of us that look more like Tony Soprano than Brad Pitt. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
24
Become The “Cool”, Confident Guy Okay, so know that we realize the importance of confidence, let’s look at some ways we can begin to develop it. I often have guys ask me how to how to become a “cool”, confident guy. The first step to becoming the guy you’ve always wanted to be is to close your eyes and imagine every aspect of his character. Don’t rush through this. Without a very vivid picture of who you want to become, you’ll never become him. I want you to take a moment to ponder each one of these questions: How does he walk? How does he move? What does his voice sound like? Does he hold his head high? How does he dress? I want you to go through every aspect of his character. Get an extremely clear vision in your head of this fictional character. Now I want you to say to yourself, “If I can see him, I can be him”. Now take your face and put it on this character. I want you to brand this image into your subconscious. In your mind, get used to walking around like this guy. Get used to talking like him. Just as you wouldn’t expect to be the best piano player in the world without practicing, you shouldn’t expect to be a “cool”, confident guy without practicing. Become comfortable with the new guy you’ve created. I want you to really embrace the concept that you can be anyone you want. No guy was The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
25
born a “ladies’ man”. Practice this visualization for at least 5 minutes a day and you’ll become more and more comfortable being this “character”.
Another similar drill I want you to try is called “Acting as if”. Right now I want you to stand up and try something. Come on, get up and really do this! I want you to stand how you’d stand if you had 100 times more confidence. Imagine that you were unstoppable. Stand how you would if you were the most powerful, confident guy on the planet. How does it feel? Get your chin up and your shoulders back. Now step away from this book for a minute and walk how you’d walk if you were 100 times more confident. Walk like you’re a lion marking his territory. Walk with long deliberate strides. Take each step with total self assuredness. Now I have to ask you – Why don’t you walk around like this all the time? What are you afraid of? I’m sure you’re thinking things like, “People might think I’m arrogant” or “It’s just not me”. It’s these thoughts of fear that women can smell on you. You need to erase these concepts immediately. Women respect a man who’s not afraid to let the world know he’s confident. You have nothing to be afraid of. Let everyone around you know that you’re The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
26
someone important. What you’ll find is that they’ll start to treat you differently. By “Acting as if” you’re someone confident and important; you’ll start to actually become that way! For the next few weeks I want you to take 5 minutes a day to practice standing and walking as if you had 100 times more confident. After a while you’ll notice that it will begin to reflect in your own natural stance and walk. She’s Already Bought You Companies across the country teach sales teams a very key rule that helps them sell. They are taught to assume that the buyer already wants what they are selling. In the same way, in order to be successful with women you need to assume that she wants you. Assume that she is interested in you and your body language will follow along. In the documentary “Pumping Iron” Arnold Swarzenneger says that he called his mother before the Mr. Olympia bodybuilding contest took place to tell her that he already won. It’s no coincidence that he was the 7 time champion. By the way, go out and buy “Pumping Iron” as soon as you can even if you’re not into bodybuilding. The confidence that Arnold exhibits in that documentary is incredible and
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
27
inspirational. You can see that Arnold would have been irresistible to women because he not only displays an amazing amount of confidence but he’s really enjoying life. People just flock to him. Everyone wants to be around him. Watch Pumping Iron once and you’ll see why he has become so successful today. Become The Ultimate Movie Character Pick 3 movie characters that you feel exude confidence. Go rent or buy the movies they are in and carefully observe every move the characters make. Take notes on the characters. Listen to the lines they say and the way they say them. Skip to scenes where they are speaking to a woman and pause the movie after they say lines that you find well delivered. Rewind and listen to the line several times. Then practice saying the line out loud in the exact way they said it and model their posture and stance. Get out a pen and write down all of the details you possibly can. Where are his eyes looking? How much distance is there between him and her? Is he using touch at all? Do this drill with a least 3 movie characters and try to find similarities between them. What is it that makes them seem confident? If you can pin point EXACTLY what it is they are doing, you can do these exact same things and seem confident as well. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
28
Be A Master Of Your Domain When you’re out with a woman, use deliberate, powerful movements any chance you get. When reaching for a beer at the bar, grab it tightly and pull it in to you. When you put seasonings on your food use a couple of good hard shakes and then put the shaker down 20% harder than you normally would. This shows you are in control of the situation and that you’re decisive. You may not realize it, but she processes all of this information. 99% of guys don’t realize that something that seems as trivial as slow, wimpy, indecisive seasoning shaking can turn a woman off. On a date you are being judged on the hundreds of little, seemingly insignificant things you do.
Strong animals in nature make every move with power and authority. You also need to learn mark your territory. An easy way to start doing this is to take up more space. When you’re on a date, spread out and enjoy being a man. Be the master of your domain. Literally tell yourself, “I am the master of my domain and I enjoy it”. This thought process will reflect in all of your actions from the way you open a door to the way you sit in your chair and she’ll notice. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
29
Another way to establish and maintain dominance is to walk 2 steps ahead of her (on the side closest to the street if you are walking near one). This creates the illusion of leadership and protection. She probably won’t realize what you’re doing consciously but she will feel safe following your lead.
Make It Look Easy Look at the quintessential cool guy - the kind of guy who gets all the girls and is smooth as can be. Look at any actor playing a heartthrob role. What is it that separates these guys from the rest of the pack? They make it LOOK like they are getting tons of women. Even if you put them in a room by themselves and watched them you'd see by the look on their face and the way they carry themselves that they are getting women. You see it all the time at nightclubs. You see those guys who carry themselves with confidence and have that grin on their face that says, "I get tons of women and I do it easily". They might not really be getting tons of women but they sure have us fooled. Not only are they fooling you but they are fooling the rest of the women in the place into believing that they are a desirable male. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
30
So half the battle of attracting women is looking like the kind of guy that gets tons of women. It doesn't take handsome looks or a thousand dollar outfit to be the cool guy. What’s much more important is that look in the eye and sway of carrying yourself that says, "I get tons of women, it's easy and it's really no big deal to me". When you are out around a group of women, tell yourself that a few times. Think of how you'd be standing if that really was the reality. How would the look on your face be? Always look like you're there to have a good time but you may have somewhere better to go at any time.
Make Decisions In order to make a woman see you as a confident man, you need to develop fast, authoritative decision making ability.
Here's a great example of a conversation that demonstrates a complete lack of decision making power (does any of this look familiar?):
Her: "What do you want to do tonight?" The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
31
Him: "I don't know. What do you want to do tonight?" Her: "I don't really care, it's up to you" Him: "I'm up for whatever" Her: "You want to go out to eat?" Him: "Yeah I guess. I ate something before but we could go eat if you want" Her: "Well it’s stupid to go eat if you're not hungry" Him "Yeah, I guess your right." Her: "Well, were you in the mood to go to the movies?" Him: Okay, what's playing? Her: "Not sure"
Now what she's really trying to say is, "Be a man damnit!!!! Make a decision - ANY decision. Just make one!” You need to make decisions quickly and stick to them. Even if you make the WRONG decision it's better than making NO decision. The great thing about decisions is that they get easier to make, the more you make them. If you have a hard time making decisions, it's because you have wimpy decision making muscles. The more you make decisions, the bigger and stronger these muscles get. Go out and practice making The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
32
decisions. Start with small ones. You'll see what an empowering feeling it is to make decisions with authority and stick to them. We live in a free country. You have the right to make decisions about everything. This is a beautiful thing! Women search for guys who can make decisions quickly and easily. They love it. They love to be guided. I don't care if it's not politically correct to say - it's the truth. Women love when a man makes decisions for them.
Chapter 4: Be Intriguing Don’t Be Yourself! How many times have you heard this ridiculous advice? Just be yourself. This is the biggest bunch of crap I’ve ever heard and fastest way not to attract women. So if you’re a drooling, slouching, mumbling dork should you just go out there and “be yourself”? NO!!! Instead, you should create a new self. After all, what is this thing we call “self”? It’s something we’ve made up by creating patterns and habits in our brain. In the same way we created them, we can and should change them to improve ourselves all the time, thereby creating a new self. We all have strong points of self and weak points The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
33
of self. When someone says “just be yourself”, what they should really be saying is, “let the strong, amazing traits that you’ve developed through your life shine through and work on changing the weaker parts of your self”. Eventually you will get used to the new patterns and behaviors and a new, better, more attractive self should emerge. Too often we get comfortable with our unattractive mindset and habits and are afraid to break them. Now I’m saying you should change yourself for women. You should change yourself for YOU! The traits that a woman would find attractive and intriguing in you are the same traits that will make your life outside of the dating world more rewarding.
Read, Read, Read!! In order to be intriguing to women you need to have interesting things to talk about. One way to make sure you always seem interesting is to read. Read as much interesting stuff as you can. Read magazines that will keep you up on what’s hip and current, like “Details”. Also read stuff that will keep you up on basic pop-culture like “People”. I personally could care less about who the hell Tom Cruise is dating but I try to keep up on stuff like this because it’s great date The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
34
conversation. Women love to talk about this kind of crap.
You should try to at least skim through a newspaper every day. Women like a man who knows what’s going on in the world. It makes you appear educated and worldly. This may sound really basic but I know a ton of guys that have no idea what the hell is going on around the world and they tend to get very quiet when the conversation shifts to politics or world affairs. Women like a man who appears knowledgeable about world events. If you think Condoleezza Rice is a side dish to chicken then go get yourself a newspaper subscription ASAP!
Stay Busy Stay busy and get hobbies. Keep yourself busy in life and find your passion and/or hobbies you enjoy. This will reflect in your personality. Women will notice that your overall nature is positive, happy and at peace. People who are genuinely enjoying life outside of the dating world will not be single for long (unless they choose to be). Women find men who are genuinely interested in unique or exciting hobbies intriguing. Women pick up on the kind of happy, positive aura you The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
35
give off when you are enjoying your life they’re attracted to it.
The Video Game Theory™ Right off the bat you need to let women know that you are a mysterious and interesting being so that you don't end up in the friend zone. You need to be somewhat challenging to but at the same time let them know that you're interested enough.
At this point you might be thinking, “How can let a woman know I'm interested enough while still being mysterious and evasive?” The answer lies in a concept I’ve created called “The Video Game Theory” When trying to attract a woman you need to be like your favorite video game. You don’t want to be too easy to win, but you don’t want to be impossible. The perfect video game (and perfect man) is fun, challenging enough and has surprises around every corner. If you were playing a video game that consisted of one level and could be figured out in 5 minutes would you keep playing it? Of course not. What if the game was too difficult right from the beginning? What if your character walked 2 feet and fell off a cliff The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
36
every time no matter what you did? Chances are you’d give up on it after a little while. The perfect video game allows you to play a little… shoots you down a little bit but always gives you hope that there is more to conquer, more to accomplish. New, exciting challenges come at you at each turn. In the same way you need to become an exciting challenge to women. Another thing that a great video game does is ups the challenge just enough once you think you have it figured out. Why is it that we rarely go back to level one in video game once we’re on level 9? Because there is no challenge there - no mystery. Also consider this; Very attractive women have dated some very interesting, mysterious guys that are at a 9 challenge level. Why would they want to “play” with you when you’re on a 1 or 2 challenge level? They’ve played and conquered that level before with many men and it’s really not fun for them anymore.
No MO! The Latin phrase Modus operandi (often used in the abbreviated form MO) refers to a person’s way of doing something. The dictionary definition is; An unvarying or habitual method of procedure. Never let women catch on to your modus operandi. This is a key facet in the art The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
37
of war and it works very well at keeping a beautiful woman intrigued with you. Once a woman figures out your thinking habits and patterns she will assume she has you all figured out. As she figures out your MO she will begin to grow bored and complacent. Don't let her know why you're doing things. Let her think one thing and then do something totally opposite. Another problem with letting a woman in on your MO is that they can develop contempt for the way think and do things. When someone thinks they have your MO all figured out they can become condescending and begin to get annoyed with your habits. They will feel contempt and purposely try to play psychological games attempting to fracture or change your MO. It's very hard to change your MO. You've developed it by processing trillions of bits of information over a very long period of time (your whole life). This is why it's important to do things against your own instincts sometimes. Try to pay attentions to little thing you do and say all the time and change them up. Keep her on her toes.
Now I'm not saying that you should do this with the woman you finally decide to settle down with. That's one of the beauties of marriage, and growing old together. You let the other person in on all the The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
38
intricacies of your mind. This is a bond that you need to save for that one special person after years of knowing them. Never reveal this stuff during the early months of dating. It's not that she'll intentionally be mean to you once she has you figured out; it's just a natural human tendency to get annoyed with the patterns of a person that you have all figured out.
Make Her Heart Grow Fonder Let her miss you. At the beginning of a relationship you need to give her enough time between calls and visits to miss you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It will also give her time to think about you and create all kinds of mystery in her mind. Don't stay away for ridiculous amounts of time, but enough to build up a true desire in her to see you again.
Chapter 5: No More Mr. Nice Guy! Do Nice Guys Finish Last? If there’s one thing I’ve heard more than anything from guys
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
39
regarding women, it’s this - Why do girls go for jerks? Why does the nice guy always finish last? I’m about to clear up this long pondered mystery for you once and for all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a good guy. In fact, most women want a good guy. They want a guy with a huge heart. They want a guy who’s caring, sweet and sensitive. So why doesn’t every “nice” guy have a supermodel on his arm? There are many reasons for this and I’m about to explain all of them to you.
Women See The Nice Guy Act As A Sham We are all sexual creatures and hot women know that most men want to get in their pants. They understand that men want sex from them and they are going to employ all kinds of tactics to get them in the sack. Attractive women are so used to guys trying to be nice to them just to get some ass that they develop a repulsion to the tactic. Guys assume that being extra nice to a woman will make women trust them and feel comfortable around them when if fact it usually has quite the opposite effect. Deep in their gut something tells them that this just isn’t natural. They see that you weren’t being so nice to Juan the bus boy or Joe the cab driver and they think, “So why is he being so nice The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
40
to me? He must want something from me”. Now there’s nothing wrong with letting a woman know you “want something” from her. Actually if she’s a good-looking woman she already knows that you want something from her. By you pretending that you are such a nice, sweet guy you are offending her sensibilities. When you play the nice buddy role to get involved with a woman sexually or romantically you are actually lying to her and you’re only fooling yourself. Women have a sixth sense that helps them pick up on this instantly. You’re thinking, “This is going great. She really thinks I’m a nice guy. I’ll have her convinced I’m safe and I’ll be able to get past her defenses in no time”. Meanwhile her subconscious mind is telling her, “Oh God, I know he’s doing all this just so he can bang me”. She may even seem responsive to your nice guy act because it’s not easy to be mean to someone when they are being nice to you. She’ll probably be pretty responsive up until the point where you try to make a move and then she’ll politely shoot you down.
Let me give you this example to make this concept more clear. You walk into a used car lot and here comes a bright eyed fellow with his hair neatly parted to the side and a smile from ear to ear. He offers The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
41
you a cup of coffee. You say no and he says, “are you sure? We have some great Colombian roast my friend.” Then he looks down at your watch and says, “ahhh... great watch. A Movado huh - fine piece of machinery”. You politely say thank you. He then asks you what you’re looking for and you say, “I was thinking something sporty but affordable. Something fast in maybe a red.” He says, “ahaaa, you’re my kind of guy! I knew you were a red guy. I love red too. Ya know, they’ve done studies that say guys who prefer red tend to have higher IQs?” Now let’s look at what’s happening here. You are thinking that this guy is a really nice guy. He’s throwing out all of these compliments at me - I like this guy. Meanwhile your inner subconscious voice is yelling at you saying, “Hey you idiot!! Of course this guy is being nice you. He’s trying to sell you the damn car! He’ll tell you anything you want to hear.” Women experience this feeling times ten every time a guy starts being overly nice.
What You Call Niceness Is Really Weakness Guys who describe themselves as the nice guy are always saying things like, “Why do nice guys finish last?” The answer is - they don’t… Weak guys finish last. Very often behaviors that you call nice The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
42
are perceived by women as weak. And they are usually right. So Mr. Nice Guy, get ready for a rude awakening - You are really Mr. Weak Guy. The gauge you are using to qualify your “niceness” is way off.
Be a Good Guy – Not A Nice Guy You need to think in terms of being a GOOD guy, not a NICE guy. Women really don’t want jerks. They want many of the qualities that a jerk portrays but they don’t want you to really be a mean jerk. Take a look at the classic hero in most action movies. Let’s look at Indiana Jones for a minute. You’ll notice that for the most part he isn’t a nice guy. He has no time for silly games, he tends to be rather abrupt with people who can’t keep up with him, and he doesn’t kiss anyone’s ass. To the amateur eye he may even come across as a jerk. But, here’s what makes him the hero. When it comes down to it he really is a good guy. He really wants to help people. He has a big heart and even sacrifices his own life to help others around him. This is what women want. It’s okay to have a big heart and to be a really good guy. In fact, women LOVE that. It’s one of the main qualities they look for in a man. You need to learn to separate the concept of what
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
43
you’ve been calling the “nice guy” from the “good guy”. The nice guy tells everyone what they want to hear. The nice guy doesn’t stand his ground or voice his opinion when people offer adversity. The good guy isn’t concerned with catering to everyone around him and isn’t interested in telling people what they want to hear. He is however very caring and really wants to help people when it comes to serious issues. The good guy is the one who sacrifices himself when it really counts. He has a genuine love for people. You can and should be a good guy without being a weak “nice guy”.
People Don’t Respect People Who Kiss Their Ass Another reason that women don’t go for the nice guy is because they see it as kissing ass. Let’s face it - being Mr. nice guy is basically ass kissing. I can tell you for a fact that nobody respects someone who kisses their ass. They may like the feeling that it brings about, but they still resent the fact that they are having their ass kissed. For instance - Phil from accounting who always tells the boss that he looks like he’s losing weight and “yeses” him to death and laughs at all his jokes will probably make the boss feel great. In the same way, when guys kiss a girl’s ass the girl will usually respond positively. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
44
Hey, why not - Getting compliments feels good. Unfortunately when trying to get a woman to like you the idea is not get her to feel good about herself - it’s about trying to her to feel good about you. After a day of ass kissing the boss goes home to his mansion feeling important, confident and special. Do you think he’s thinking about Phil from accounting? NO!! He’s thinking about how much weight he lost and how funny and smart he is - and I guarantee he does not respect Phil for kissing his ass all day. In fact I bet he thinks of Phil as weak. He knows what Phil’s ploy is. He knows that Phil is just trying to connive his way up the corporate ladder. In the same way, women know when you are conning your way up their ladder with your nice guy routine. Now this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t hold doors and do some basic traditional chivalrous things. Just don’t play up the nice, sweet, sensitive guy thing.
How To Show Her That You’re A Nice Guy Without Kissing Ass Now that we realize that this persona that you’ve been calling “nice guy” for all these years is a total sham, let’s discuss ways you show her that you are a “good guy” without kissing any ass or being a wimp. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
45
Hold the door for others Go out of your way to hold the door for other people. By holding the door and doing other courteous things for others, she’ll believe that you’re genuinely a good guy.
Make conversation with waiters, cab drivers, clerks, etc. Be extremely nice to waiters. Throw some money in a homeless person’s cup. Make other people around you laugh. This will get her yearning for your attention. This is a great way to let her know that you are a great guy without kissing her ass like every other guy she goes out with. She’ll subconsciously be thinking, “This guy is such a sweetheart and everyone likes him… what can I do to get and keep his attention and energy focused on me?”
Don't Walk On Eggshells Guys spend a lot of time trying to feel out a woman to see what type of behavior she'll approve of. Then most guys act accordingly. They think that women will like them because they stayed within her boundaries and catered to what she wants. It's almost like they wait The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
46
for cues of permission before attempting or saying anything. You need to learn to stop seeking her approval. Women hate this. They won't tell you that they don't like this, but keep this stuff up and by the end of the night you’ll be sure to hear, “You're such a nice guy. I think me and you can be great friends". You are a strong, confident and powerful man! You don't need a woman's approval or permission to act how you want to act and do what you want to do. You'll see that she'll respect you for it.
Never ask her repeatedly if she's having a good time. This is HUGE mistake that so many guys make. Act like you’re on the date to enjoy yourself. Don't be overly concerned with making sure she's having a good time. The more you ask if she's enjoying herself, the more you'll seem unsure of yourself. You need to convince yourself that you are a great date. You don't need her to tell you that the date is going well to confirm this fact. Convince yourself that you are a fun, great guy and any woman that doesn't see it, doesn't deserve you.
Disagreement Don't agree with everything she says. Make sure you stick strong to The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
47
your beliefs and don’t lose touch of who you are to cater to her. When she says things that are out of line or incorrect in your eyes, you have to call her out on it. This demonstrates that you are a strong, independent man who will not put up with her nonsense and she'll respect you for that. This doesn't mean you should go out of your way to start arguments or disagree with everything she says, but from time to time you should tell her that you think she's wrong and try to explain why. Make sure you let her know when she's being bitchy or a pain in the ass. Don't call her a bitch, but instead let her know politely that she's out of line. This is one of the reasons that women love "make up" sex. After a disagreement a women has all kinds of emotion built up and she wants to release it. An even more powerful reason that they want sex after an intense argument is because the man just displayed his strong, dominant, powerful side and it turned her on. In the same way, she'll be turned on by the strength that it took to stand your ground when you disagree with her from time to time.
Get Thick Skin Part of being a real man and not falling into the nice guy “friend zone” The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
48
is not letting her hurt your feelings easily. Never let her think she hurt your feelings or struck a nerve with you even when she actually does. Just like the age old saying goes, "Never let em see you sweat". When she knows she can hurt your feelings with her words she'll see that as insecurity. And when you really examine it, it is insecurity. Women can make some really belittling comments without realizing it and sometimes purposely to strike a nerve and test you. That's right; women will actually use these belittling comments to see if you can take it. It's a test to see how much of a man you are. They usually don't even realize they are doing this kind of thing to test us, but make no mistake about it - IT'S A TEST. If you are secure enough in yourself, there's nothing to feel hurt about. You are sure of yourself and nothing she can say or do can bring you down. I remember back in my more inexperienced days, I had a girlfriend who used to tell me I had small hands. It used to get me so frustrated when she'd say this and she knew it. She used to bring it up once in a while because she knew it got to me. At the time I had no idea that it was really a way to keep testing me. If I had just acted relaxed about it and acted like it didn't bother me, I would have passed the test and she wouldn't have brought it up again. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
49
So the next time a woman says or does anything that hurts your feelings, remember to BE A MAN and let it roll off your shoulders. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn't express yourself when she does or says something disrespectful. If she goes out and kisses another guy, you have every right to let her know that it was wrong and you should call her out on it. You can call her out without letting her know it hurt your feelings. When my ex-girlfriend used to make those hand comments I could have said straight out, "I know you're saying that to try to belittle me and I don't appreciate it", and then forgotten about it.
Neediness Neediness can be a guy’s worst enemy in a relationship. Being needy and clingy can turn a girl off really quickly. Needy guys are weak and women know it. Do you call her a million times a day? Tell her you miss her every minute? Let her slide when she's being a bitch just because you want to stay around her? These are tell-tale signs of neediness. If you do any of these things now, you must stop immediately. I have friends who I've watched do this over and over again and sure enough they all got dumped eventually. I had one The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
50
particular friend who used to do this all the time. We'd be out on guys’ night out and he'd call her 3 or 4 times throughout the night. He'd say, "baby I miss you... I love you". I remember telling him repeatedly that he shouldn't do this. He'd reply to me, "I was just checking in. She thinks it's cute”. I knew he was wrong, but he was so thick headed that he never listened to me. Sure enough - a few months later, she dumped him. She was actually a friend of mine as well and after they broke up she told me that she was going to search for a real man, not a needy, clingy guy like him. She actually said, "I think I'm going to start dating jerks". She said it somewhat jokingly but I knew that she basically meant it. Here are some tips that will help you avoid looking needy:
Don't hang all over her when you're out. If you're out with a crowd of people and her, make sure you give her space. Talk to the rest of the group. Engage others in conversation and give equal eye contact to everyone. Let her talk with the others without interjecting too much. Give her attention but not too much. The best way to do it is in spurts. Give some attention for a few minutes and then withdraw a little bit. Try this out and watch what The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
51
happens. You'll find that after a while she'll start coming and latching on to you!
Don't fish for compliments or brag This kind of behavior screams, "I'm needy! Please give me attention!" If you're confident enough and you do something "compliment worthy", she'll notice and give you your due respect.
Don't call too much I know this can be tough when you're really into a beautiful girl. Sometimes you need to force yourself not to call to tell her how much you are thinking about her. By calling all the time you will smother her. She'll start to think of you as a needy wimp. Be somewhat evasive and then once in a while call and say something like,” Good night sexy... I'll be dreaming about you". The phone call and the compliment will mean so much more to her because you don't do it too often. She'll actually be craving the attention by that point.
Don't play the husband role early in the relationship When you really, really like a girl, you might start acting like a The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
52
husband way too early in the relationship. Women can get scared off by you in the beginning if you act like you're planning a long term relationship. Some guys start acting this way after only a few dates. Very beautiful women get this all the time. Guys start to talk long term and act as if they've been married for 10 years and this scares the hell out of them. They start to think like this, "If he's so into me this early on, he must be really needy and desperate to latch on to something".
Insecurities A major tendency of Mr. Nice Guy is to point out his major insecurities when talking to a woman. Down the road once she knows you better you can let her in on some of your insecurities and she may think they are cute, but at the beginning you need to avoid saying things that make you seem weak. Remember, women have thousands of years of programming telling them to seek out the strongest male they can find whether they’re aware of it or not. By revealing your insecurities too soon you are basically saying “I’m weak”. Many men say these kinds of things hoping that it will arouse some sympathy or that it will show their more “human side” but trust me - all it says is The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
53
“I’m such a damn wimp”. A woman may even respond positively with something like, “wow - it’s great that you can admit that. So many guys try to act so macho”. Don’t listen to them! That’s what they think they’re supposed to say but their primal instincts are saying, “I don’t think this guy could be a strong conqueror and provider”. As soon as she’s done with the date with you she’ll be out looking for the Mr. Macho she was just denouncing.
This concept can be hard for men to understand because a lot of times we hear women say that they want a sensitive man, who’s not too macho to admit his insecurities. Actually, they do want a man who’s not afraid to point out his insecurities, but not before they’ve already established that you are a strong, powerful man. On a first or second date you have not yet established yourself as the dominant male she has been programmed to desire. Therefore, by bringing up your insecurities too early you never give her a chance to see you this way. Once you establish yourself as a dominant male, you can begin to introduce your insecurities and she may even find them cute and humanizing.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
54
The quintessential “nice guy” feels the need to put everything on the table right away and tell a woman all of his inner feelings because he thinks the woman will somehow instantly relate to his human side and it will create a bond. It really seems logical that a woman, who is an insecure, emotional creature, would automatically relate to you because you reveal your insecurities. However it just doesn’t work that way. Women need to know that a man is emotionally stable and strong enough to support her when she’s feeling emotionally weak. When you start showing her all of your emotions and insecurities immediately she begins to think you aren’t capable of this.
Don’t be the bitter jerk So we’ve learned that it’s okay to be a “good guy” but not a “nice guy”. Now you can confidently be the good guy without trying to play up the jerk role to get women, which is something that a lot of former nice guys try to do in their desperate attempt to get women. Their logic is, F@#K this! I’ve been stepped on too long! I’m going to be a jerk. Women will probably like me more if I act like a jerk. They use this role because they have been dissed and/or dumped by women in the past and they see this as a way of avoiding future vulnerability. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
55
Women see through this routine immediately. You see these kinds of guys saying abrasive things like, “you women are all the same” and being generally mean because they think it’ll make them seem tough or challenging. Ya know what women really see when you do this. They see a weak puppy dog who’s been hurt in the past and is trying to cover all of that up with this fake jerk exterior. Women have great radar for bitterness and it’s an instant turn-off to them. To women, bitterness equals weakness. It means that you let your past love-life defeat you and turn you into this jerk character. If you’ve been hurt by a woman or women in the past and you try to cover it up with any technique, women will notice this. You need to really forget the past and think of every date as a fresh start.
Feeling Sorry For Yourself Mr. Nice Guy gets shot down again and again and inevitably resorts to feeling sorry for himself. First of all let me say that just by reading this book you are telling me that you are a guy who isn’t willing to sit back and feel sorry for himself. It tells me you’re ready to take positive action toward being the guy you want to be. It’s a big step toward taking control of your dating situation and your life in general. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
56
Let’s face it; we’ve all felt bad for ourselves at times in our life when our dating life hasn’t gone the way we wanted. Whether it was in the 12th grade when Suzie didn’t want to go to the prom with us or whether it’s just an overall feeling of despair or inferiority – we’ve all felt it. It’s okay to feel these feelings once in a while but the problem is when we wallow in them. There is no bigger waste of time in life than time spent feeling bad for yourself. So your love life hasn’t been all you’ve wanted it to be. So what you’ve been shot down time after time by women. We all know these things hurt and it’s okay to feel the sting, but you need to feel it quickly and then let it go.
When you get the urge to feel sorry for yourself about these kinds of things I want you to tell yourself – The past does not equal the future. The record of what has been is nothing compared to the great possibilities that lie ahead. Let the past be the past. A beautiful part of life is that every day you wake up you have a blank slate. You can create your day any way you want it to be. Starting today, you can be anyone you want to be!
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
57
Another way you can conquer the “sin” of feeling sorry for yourself is to realize that nobody is listening. Once you “kill” this imaginary listener you’ve created, you’ll see just how unproductive this behavior is. When a baby is crying for his mother and the mother leaves him in a room by himself, eventually the baby stops crying. The reason is because once the baby comes to accept that nobody is listening, he understands that his crying is futile. In the same way, once you know that nobody is listening to your “cries” of self pity you’ll realize that they are a big waste of time.
I’m sure a few of you are thinking, “It’s not some imaginary listener that I’m crying to – It’s God”. Okay, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that God is listening to you feel bad for yourself. I have a feeling that God would tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there and do something about it. He’s given you all the resources to work with; Clothes, the gym, humor, this book, etc.
You especially don’t want to feel bad for yourself in front of a woman. Never, ever go for the sympathy vote - a woman might go for it if The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
58
she’s already decided that she likes you but for the most part it just makes you look weak and pathetic.
Chapter 6: Cockiness Done Right Balancing arrogance and humility You need to learn to be a little bit arrogant in order to appeal to a woman. I know this may seem contradictory to everything you've ever heard or what any female friend's advice would be, but trust me, arrogance used in the right way will work for you. Arrogance has become such a dirty word in today's world. When asking a woman what she doesn't want in a man, arrogance is one of the first on the list. That is the answer that she thinks she should give. She probably even believes it herself. There is some validity to the statement. When women say that they don’t like arrogant men, they really mean one of a few things:
- They don’t like arrogant men who can’t back up their talk - They don’t like arrogant men who act that way as an obvious
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
59
cover-up for insecurities - They don’t like arrogant men who never show humility or a softer side - They don’t like arrogant men who are just plain mean
Women like arrogance when it's disguised and bundled with "false humility". You need to always act humble but also maintain an arrogant undertone. The key is to have the right mix of arrogance and sweetness.
The Simon Cowell Experiment When you are slightly arrogant, people want to find a redeeming softer side to you. If you're too arrogant or rude you will blow your chances. The amount of arrogance you want to portray should be directly proportionate with the amount of time you'll have to show your nice side. In other words, if you are in a situation where you know you'll see the person for a period of weeks or months, like while taking a class, you can play up the arrogance a little more and let them search for redeeming qualities in you. Let's look at Simon Cowell for a minute. When we first saw Simon on American Idol our The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
60
first instinct was to hate the guy. We all said, "What an arrogant bastard". Now us guys thought that and probably never gave it a second thought, but women around the world starting digging deeper. They thought, "There's got to be something more to this guy". Then as the season went on Simon began to give credit where credit was do. What began to happen was incredible. Whenever Simon gave a compliment, the audience and all of America (particularly women) began to cheer like crazy. Why did this happen? The reason is because people were so excited to see that redeeming quality they were searching for shine through. They knew there was some good in this guy. They found themselves wanting to like him. Randy Jackson who never played the mysterious, arrogant role at all didn't get nearly the same response when he gave kudos to a contestant. The key is to balance this confident arrogance with a sweet, vulnerable side. You can actually create a pattern with women where they'll start being nice to you and doing all kinds of favors for you just to see that redeeming side of you peek through. It's an amazing thing to watch when it's done right. Personally I don't like to play up the arrogant role much because I'm genuinely a nice, humble guy but it really works so I do it anyway. It even annoys me that women react well to this kind The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
61
of attitude but unfortunately it's a fact of life.
Remember not to be mean for the sake of being mean. I wouldn't go as far as Simon, who actually crossed the line sometimes and became cruel. You don't have months and months on a TV show to redeem yourself like he does so you can't afford to go as far with it as he has. But done properly, arrogance can really work for you. A simple way you can begin to create the kind of dynamic that Simon does is to start calling girls out on things. Start "breaking her chops" in a playful way. When they are being lazy, call them lazy. If they are gaining a little weight, don't be afraid to say, "You're putting on some weight" (I know I'm going to get hate mail from women everywhere about that one). If you don't like her outfit, say, "I'm not really feeling that. You should wear something else". Please don't take this as a cue to go out and be MEAN to women. Instead it's a cue to go out and be HONEST with women. They will begin to respect you for it. If you do things like this, the next time you tell her she looks like she's losing weight, she'll explode with joy inside. Her behavior will actually begin to cater to making you happy and trying to bring the complimentary side out of you. The key is to make sure you properly The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
62
balance the arrogant side with well-timed hints of "sweetness". If you are too mean or just mean for the sake of being mean women will just assume you're a jackass. The key is to make her feel like you are completely honest and discerning, not cruel for no reason.
Part 3: The Approach and The Art Of Conversation
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
63
Chapter 7: Mentally Preparing For The Approach The First step when mentally preparing for the “task” of actually going out and meeting women is to think of the absolute worst that can happen. The absolute worst thing that will happen is she says something like “get lost loser”. Now the chances of her saying this are very slim. If she’s not interested she’ll be more likely to say something like, “I have a boyfriend” or she’ll just try to ignore you and turn to talk to her friends. So - now that you have a clear vision of the worst thing that can happen, say to yourself, “If that does happen, I can handle it. I can walk away with my pride intact. I know that if she disses me, it’s some problem with her, not me. She probably has some rule about not meeting guys in bars or she really does have a boyfriend, or she just came out of a bad relationship and isn’t in the mood to meet
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
64
someone - but either way, I’m a man and I can handle anything she will say to me!”
Right before you approach a woman you need to get any thought that she might reject you out of your mind. Tell yourself that you are the best thing that will happen to this girl all day. Literally say to yourself, “I am an attractive, amazing guy and this girl should be honored to meet me”. You need to picture that she already likes you. Get rid of any doubt in your mind that she might not like you. Start to think of people in your life that really like and appreciate you. Think about how likable you know you are deep down inside. The more you think about it, the more these characteristics will begin to manifest themselves.
1 Week To Live One incredible strategy that I use to get myself motivated to pick up women is called the Zero Hour Technique™. I tell myself that I just got a call from my doctor and he tells me I only have one week to live. I only have one week to have as much fun as I possibly can and to meet as many women as I possibly can. Imagine how you'd live if you The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
65
really only had 1 week to live? I want you to really visualize it. How easy would it become to approach every woman that passed you by? After all, why the hell not? You have nothing to lose and you have to make the week as fun as possible.
Conquering Fear Of Meeting Women Okay, so now that you’ve gotten mentally prepared, you’re all set to approach her, right? Well, this is the time that fear may start to show its ugly head. What fear stands for is - False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is basically an illusion that we create when we anticipate a situation will be worse than it actually will be. The subconscious mind has created all sorts of illusions that have compounded throughout the years thereby creating this concept called fear. For example - when we thought about the worst thing that could happen when approaching a woman our rational mind realized that her saying, “Get lost loser” was about the worst that could happen. However much of what is stopping you from making the approach is the false built up scenario you’ve created in your subconscious. Your mind may have created some ridiculous picture of you going to approach the girl and having your pants fall to your ankles as you trip The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
66
and fall on your face. As you look up you see the girl and her friends pointing and laughing at you while you lay there. That’s why you need to make it very clear to yourself that this kind of thing has no chance of actually happening and that the absolute worst that will happen is the cold shoulder or a rude comment that you can just laugh off.
To make sure that you follow through on your mission and actually make the approach I want you to tell yourself 10 times “I have nothing to lose and everything, everything, everything to gain”. Make sure you do this. You’ll notice that after reciting this you’ll be 10 times more likely to go over and approach her.
Another way to make sure you don’t chicken out is to vividly imagine yourself at home, lonely later that evening regretting the fact that you didn’t go talk to her. Really feel the pain that you will feel knowing that you were too scared to do something as simple as saying hi to another human being who breathes the same air as you.
Now I want to share you my secret weapon for getting over the fear of The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
67
the approach. It’s called the “Death Bed Technique”. I want you to envision yourself on your laying on your death bed thinking back on your life. I want you to picture all the regrets you had while looking at your life. Did you live every minute to the fullest? Did you go for it when you had the chance? Looking at life from this perspective helps you realize that there’s no time to be afraid. You can’t let life pass you by!
The Scared Bug Theory If you really have a problem with fear, I have developed a theory that I call “The Scared Bug Theory™” that can help you get over this pretty rapidly. Remember when you were a kid and you saw a scary looking bug and you were afraid to touch it. Then some wise adult told you that the bug is more scared of you than you are of it and it somehow made the bug look less scary and more approachable. I’m about to let you on a little secret. All women, including the most beautiful are insecure, vulnerable and scared. No matter how out of your league she appears, she is secretly very insecure and vulnerable on the inside. I’ve seen this time after time with the most beautiful women I’ve dated. I’ve seen them trying on 30 outfits before The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
68
going out because they think every one makes them look fat. I’ve seen them crying over things like not being beautiful enough. I’ve seen them brushing their teeth repeatedly and downing mouthwash and worrying like crazy about possible bad breath. I’ve seen them ask me questions repeatedly like, “Do you think she’s prettier than me?” How can you be nervous or stumbling around a creature who’s own insecurities are probably ten times what yours are when you get down past the surface? The next time you begin to feel nervous around a beautiful woman I want you to realize that her confident exterior is all a front. She is just a human being like us all with tons of insecurity. She is more “scared” of what you and others think than you are of her. Once you really harness this concept it’ll put you in the driver seat.
Chapter 8: The Actual Approach A Detailed Approach Scenario Okay so you're feeling confident and you're ready to actually make the approach. When trying to get a girls' phone number, most guys feel like they need to get involved in some long conversation with her
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
69
first. This will waste lots of unnecessary time. Get in there quick and then get out with the digits. Now remember that the goal is to make something happen besides just a nice little conversation. You do not want to leave the situation without a phone number. You should always have an opening "defuser" ready to break down the barriers that many women put up upon first being approached. You want to start the conversation off very naturally, as if you're having a conversation with a friend. Keep it light and just point out something that's going on around you. ALWAYS KEEP IT POSITIVE! Never say something like, "You look tired, Monday mornings suck huh?" Keep it positive. You want to say something either positive or neutral (if you can't think of anything positive on the spot). The best opening "line" is something that makes her laugh. Be very relaxed and casual but then use a concept that I call "Escalation". Once you have her feeling somewhat comfortable (don't spend more than 2 minutes making her comfortable), gradually escalate the intensity of the conversation. For example, let's say you're on line at a deli or fast food place (I want you to use this every time you are on line and you have an attractive woman next to you). When you're in a situation like this is the perfect opportunity to do something I call "Prepping the Deal". "Prepping The The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
70
Deal" is about doing something in front of her that she sees or hears that makes you look good right before you start the conversation with her. There won't always be time to prep the deal in many situations but whenever it's possible - DO IT! Here is one example of prepping the deal that you can use at bars all the time. Let her hear you give the bartender a big, strong thank you like, "I don’t know how you do it, but you serve up those drinks really fast. Thanks a lot buddy". Then if she happens to be looking you can throw down a good sized tip. Don't use this one if it's a female bartender because she may mistake it for flirting. Now when you approach her, she'll already assume that you're a good guy and be more receptive to your approach. You have successfully "Prepped the Deal".
This is a great way to prep the deal when you’re on line a supermarket or at a nightclub (anywhere you might be waiting on a line). If you have a few minutes a good way to prep the deal in this situation is to pretend you got a call from your mom on your cell phone. Make sure your cell phone ringer is off so you don't get a call in the middle of your fake conversation. Just make it a very brief conversation because you don't have much time. Act like she just The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
71
gave you some good news and say, "ahh.. that's great mom. Okay cool." - Then throw in a few "yeahs" and "uh huhs" like she's telling you stuff. Now for the important part - Right before hanging up say, "okay, love you mom... bye". That was it – SIMPLE but EFFECTIVE. Women often look at the way a man treats his mom as the way he'll treat them. With this "deal prepper" you just made her ten times more receptive to your approach. Now is time to make your first "move". Start out by turning to her and saying, "I feel like I spend my whole life waiting on lines." She'll usually respond with a smile or a little chuckle and say something like, "I know what you mean". Ahhh.. well done my friend. You see how painless that was? You just diffused any defense that she could have prepared. You just broke the ice. It was as simple as that. Now bring in the humor. If you're on line for food you can say,” I’m starving; I think I'm going to order 1 of everything". Now this isn't the funniest line ever but it's all you need. It's enough to get a little smile out of her and keep the conversation flowing. Now you throw in a little more small talk to keep the conversation moving along. Remember everything else that I've been teaching you throughout this book and don't forget to start using the techniques while you're talking to her. You might want to read this The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
72
book several times so the techniques become a natural part of your repertoire. Start looking at her body language. Are her pupils dilated? Is she primping? If she seems to be responding positively then keep it up - you'll have her number in no time. If you're not getting good body language signals - don't worry about it! She may just be nervous. I suggest using body language to tell when a woman is into you, but not really to take the signs to heart when they seem negative. While talking to her, try to step outside yourself. By stepping outside of yourself you will become less self conscious and will connect with her better. While talking to her, repeat this to yourself several times, "We are now completely connecting". This is a trick I learned from spiritual guru Deepak Chopra. I was skeptical about it at first but I started trying it and believe it or not it works. It will make your body give off subtle signals of connection which she'll pick up on. Okay so some "innocent" small talk has been established and it's now time to turn up the heat. Here's the time to throw in a compliment. Read the section about compliments in this book to learn the right and wrong ways to give them. The ideal compliment is flattering and followed with something slightly cocky and humorous. Here are a couple of examples you can use: The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
73
"You have really cute dimples. Not as cute as mine, but still cute"
"I like your shoes", pause and wait for response. Then say,” Are you like 5'2" without them on?" - Girls tend to wear big heels these days to make themselves taller. If she has big ones on, this is a great compliment because it tells her you appreciate her style (girls spend half their damn salary on shoes), and it's also good to get a laugh out of her. If she laughs you can follow this up with, "What's with women wearing these huge heels these days?" Also, make sure you’re specific with compliments - don’t say “You’re beautiful”. Tell her what is beautiful about her. Never compliment the obvious either. If she has beautiful eyes, don’t compliment her on her eyes. Chances are that every other guy her entire life has complimented her on her eyes. Instead, find something unique to compliment her on - something that she’s never heard before. This will make her think that you really appreciate beauty and particularly her beauty.
Getting The Digits Now's the time to get her phone number. You should only spend The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
74
about 3 minutes on all of the above actions. You don't want to spend lots of time on this. It's just not necessary. Now, here is exactly what you say to get her number. "You seem like a really cool girl, give me your number and let's continue this conversation over dinner some time". As you are saying this, take out your cell phone and assume that she's going to give it to you. After years of practicing and reading about every technique in the world people use to get a girl's number, I've found this method the most effective. The only one that works better is if you can elicit a similar interest from her and use it to get her number. For example, if you found out you like a similar band, you'd say, "Ya know what, give me your number and let's go check out a show some time". If you found out she wants to see a certain movie, you say, "Give me your number and I'll take you out to see it". It's not always easy to establish this interest in a few sentences so if you can't do it, just go with the first example I gave you.
Many times when you ask for a woman's number she'll say something like, "Give me yours and I'll call you". Don't fall for this! First of all it's very rare that she'll actually call you. Even if you think she seems really interested, she still probably won't call mainly just The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
75
because women are programmed not to call men first. She'll either get too nervous to call or her inner voice will tell her that it's not okay to call a guy first. I know this may seem ironic because she's the one who asked for your number, but remember that women aren't logical creatures. Much of what they do is illogical. If she says she’ll take your number, just pretend that she didn't even say it and respond by taking out your cell phone as if you're getting ready to type in her number into your phone book. Now say, "C'mon, cough up the number. I promise I'm not too much of a stalker" - and then laugh. Really expect to get the number. Show no hesitance in your voice. If she keeps up with her routine and still doesn't give it to you, let her know that you know this game. Just be like, "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you tonight. I definitely want to see you again but I'm not really into the whole game of me giving you my number. That never works out. Just give me your number and I'll call you". Don’t give in to her. She'll appreciate that you stood your ground. If she still keeps this up you can "give in without giving in". Just say, "Okay, ya know what, if you’re that scared of me calling you for some silly reason, give me your email address". If she says no to this - SHE'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME! Just say, "Okay well, I'm not giving you my The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
76
number so maybe I’ll see you around some time and we can talk more". If you live in a small town or a place where you might actually see her again this is a great move. The next time she sees you, she'll be all over you!
Chapter 9: The Art Of Conversation The thought of trying to stop a hot woman on the street and getting her number can be very scary or even seemingly impossible for some guys. I used to think that but now the number 1 place I go to pick up women is on the city streets. If you live in a rural area – get your lazy ass to the city! The main reason I choose the city streets is because there are a plethora of women there. Now because I know this can be really petrifying for some guys I have a simple exercise to loosen you up. If you do nothing else in this book, I want you to try at least this. I want you to walk up to ten different women and just ask them for the time. Put your watch in your pocket before doing one. Work on asking with a big smile and make eye contact. That’s it. It’s nothing to be nervous about – you simply want the time. Then once you do that 10 times, I want you to do this 5 more times, but now try to keep the
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
77
conversation going for an extra few sentences. Remember, there’s no pressure here. It’s just a simple exercise to help you learn to develop rapport. Don’t worry about getting her number yet. Okay so once they give you the time, say, “thanks a lot... my watch stopped working. I just bought the thing last month and it already stopped working. What a waste of 400 bucks.” Then let out a little laugh. This will get you used to developing conversation with women. I actually secretly combined two tactics in that one comment. Not only did you learn to get a conversation started, but you also used a tactic I call Sibing (Sneaking In Brags). You threw in the fact that you spent $400 dollars on your watch. This insinuates that you have money or at least care about yourself and appreciate quality - If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have spent $400 on a watch. Sibs are great because they allow you to brag about yourself while appearing humble. You don’t want to come right and say, “Hey I’m rich, athletic and all around amazing”. Instead you need to use a combination of actually demonstrating these facts and throwing in Sibs here and there. Okay so now that you’ve gotten used to going up and starting a conversation with women, we’ll go into some specific conversation techniques.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
78
Presuppositions When we were kids we used presuppositions all the time to get our parents to give us what we wanted without even realizing we were using them. Presuppositions are an inborn tactic of manipulation that we have used in our lives sometimes slightly and sometimes blatantly. A presupposition is a way of wording a question or statement in a way that presupposes the recipient already agrees with some part of what you are saying by trivializing it. Let’s say you’ve met a girl at bar and you want to get her to go out with you. Instead of saying, “Do you want to go out to dinner with me on Friday?” - Say something like this, “We should go out to dinner this weekend. I know an amazing Indian restaurant downtown - or there’s a really nice Italian place I know that makes the best Chicken Marsala you’ll ever taste. What do you like better – Indian or Italian?” By presupposing that she has already agreed to go out with her you’ve made it difficult for her to say no to you. She’ll probably answer with something like, “well I really like Italian food”. Now you say, “Okay cool – so Friday at 8 works for me”. There you go again. You made another presupposition – you presupposed that her answer of “I really like Italian food” meant yes. Now just take out your cell phone or a The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
79
piece of paper and pen and tell her to give you her number. You basically just set up dinner plans with her, without her even having a chance to say no. At this point her subconscious mind will begin rationalizing all of the reasons why she should go to dinner with you. She won’t even be 100% sure about what exactly was said in the conversation but she too will begin to assume that she said yes to you. Will this work every single time? No – but it will increase your success rate dramatically. Try it out for yourself. You may even want to prepare some other ways you can use presuppositions in your repertoire ahead of time. Have fun with it! Remember – this whole dating thing is a game and you’re supposed to have a great time with it. The Confident Listener Always listen! Being a good listener is actually more important than being a good talker. People love to talk about themselves. Ask questions about her and then listen attentively. Now remember that you’re not kissing ass here. Show a genuine interest but don’t seem overly impressed. I don’t care if she tells you she’s a Playboy playmate – don’t seem overly impressed! If she tells you she was a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader - don’t seem overly impressed! You The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
80
need to stay in the mindset that you are the impressive one. She should be impressed with your confidence and general presence. Sit back, relaxed and poised but then ask questions like, “that must have been exciting – were you a cheerleader in high school?” That shows that you care about what she is saying but doesn’t tip her off to what you are really thinking which is probably, “Oh my God!!! I’m out with a Dallas Cowboys’ Cheerleader!”
Open ended Questions Ask open-ended questions. Try to avoid asking yes or no questions but instead phrase your questions so that the response will be more elaborate. For example, if you’re at dinner, instead of asking, “Do you like your food?” say, “I love this place. What was the best part of your meal?”, followed by, “What are some of your favorite restaurants around here?”.
Avoiding the uncomfortable silence We’ve all been there. You’re sitting at dinner; your hands start to get sweaty and she looks bored. The conversation is barely moving and then all of a sudden it hits - BAM! Absolutely nothing! A painful, awful The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
81
silence. She looks at you like you are the most boring human being on the planet. You feel like a total loser and rapidly start to search your seemingly empty brain for anything to say. You feel like you’d rather be dead. How do we avoid situations like this? The first way seems way too simple but it works. Have 5 emergency topics to talk about as soon as the awkward silence hits. Before the date, look at the front page of the newspaper and/or go online and find some current pop culture news and come up with 5 specific things to talk about. Write them down and loosely memorize them before your date and save them for emergencies. Don’t waste these unless you have absolutely nothing else to talk about. If you use these early in the date then you won’t have any safeties to latch on to when you need them.
Another technique for avoiding the awkward silence is to embrace it. When it gets quiet - sit back - take big, deep breath. Stretch out and say, “Ahhhh… I feel so relaxed… I’m having a good time - I think it’s great when two people can be around each other and not have to talk continuously. It’s cool when you can just enjoy each other’s presence, good food, nice atmosphere”. She will instantly feel at ease. The thing The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
82
that puts the awkward in awkward silence is the fact that you don’t seem comfortable. Now you’ve let her know that what your feeling is completely opposite of uncomfortable. You are actually so comfortable that you’re fine with the fact that it’s quiet. In fact - you’re enjoying the silence. Whatever you do - never admit that you feel the uncomfortable silence or that you have run out of things to say. This is an instant signal that you are not sure of yourself and you’re not even man enough to carry the conversation. This is how a woman’s mind works. She will think, “If this guy can’t even lead this conversation, how is he going to lead a family some day? How is he going to be able to protect me?”
What’s In A Name? Try to use her name here and there during conversation. Instead of saying, “tell me more about you”, say, “So Lisa, tell me more about yourself”. Women love to hear their own name. The more you use her name in conversation, the more she’ll feel comfortable with you.
Whispering One way to instantly strike a chord with a woman and begin creating The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
83
a sexual mood is to whisper in her ear. If you are a loud bar or club you have a perfect excuse to lean in for a few whispers. If she seems to be comfortable with it, you should keep talking in this manner and try to keep this entire conversation in this tone. Try to get very close to her ear. If you are not somewhere loud you can pull her over and whisper a comment in her ear about someone in the near vicinity. Don't say something too mean about anyone, but something that you wouldn't want the whole place to hear. By the way - Never belittle others. When you do so, you appear weak.
Lip Watching This is a great technique to help prepare her for a potential kiss at the end of the night. When she is talking, hold good eye contact with her and then glance down at her lips and watch them for about 3 seconds. Do this periodically throughout the date. This will project the concept of you kissing her into her mind and thereby make it easy for her to accept your kiss at the end of the night. It's a way of letting her know that you find her attractive and you want to kiss her without coming out and saying, "I want to kiss you later".
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
84
Effectively Using Humor Ask any woman what they are looking for in a man and you're sure to hear that they want someone who can make them laugh. Humor is one of the most powerful tools you can use to attract women. Women assume that if someone makes them laugh, they must like them. This is the reason that 65% of commercials use humor to sell their products. Humor sells - it's that simple. Laughing makes you feel good. Humor breaks down barriers and defense mechanisms creating instant rapport. The assumption is that if a commercial makes you laugh then you'll have good feelings about the product. The same is true with women. The key is to be funny in a playful, fun way. You don't want to be goofy in an annoying little brother kind of way. When you make a woman laugh often, she'll associate you with good times and feeling good.
A prominent reason that women love to laugh is because laughter arouses feeling. Keep in mind that women are not creatures of logic. They are creatures of feeling. Laughter is a profound process that involves every major system in the body. It's spiritual, physiological, and emotional. Laughter is unreasonable, illogical, and irrational. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
85
Laughter exists for its own sake. Infants laugh strictly because it feels good. They learn to laugh first and later on develop a sense of humor, which is a playfully intellectual way of relating to the world. Yes laughter can be intellectual, but its roots are in pure feeling.
By making a woman laugh, you make her feel. When you make a woman laugh, you make her heart rate and blood pressure go way up, and then drop down way below the norm. When a woman laughs her diaphragm convulses and her internal organs get massaged. As she takes in the massive amounts of air, her blood becomes oxygenated. She also loses muscle control, which relaxes her skeletal system. Laughter causes her brain to produce hormones called beta endorphins. What do all of these effects have in common? They are the same biological processes that occur during sexual arousal. By making her laugh you are actually putting her in a more sexual state. Become an Authority Figure It’s embedded in us since we were kids to respect and listen to authority figures. Therefore it only makes sense that a woman will respect and “obey” us if we become an authority figure in her eyes. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
86
This is one reason that tall guys tend to do better with women. When a girl looks up at a tall guy her subconscious mind puts her into a state of obedience. She starts to respect the guy just because she has to look up to speak to him. Now this doesn’t mean that you need to be tall to project this kind of authority (although I do recommend wearing shoes with good sized heels if you are less than 6’ tall). A great way to make her look at you in this way is to become a guru. Tell her things she doesn’t know about. Keep a few rare facts in your repertoire and you’ll be sure to be looked at as a teacher. This is so easy to do and so many guys don’t do it. Go out and read some interesting books. Take a seminar about something intriguing that not many people know about. Once you have this knowledge, all you have to do is keep it in mind and use it on a date. It sounds simple doesn’t it? So why doesn’t every guy do it. They are too lazy to learn anything interesting and to prepare their “lecture” about it. Sneaking in Sex Talk Never start talking about sex on a date or with a girl you’ve just met until you’ve already established a mental connection and she feels really comfortable with you. There’s no better way to shoot down your chances of actually having sex with her than to start talking about sex The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
87
early on in the conversation with a woman. Once you’ve established a kinesthetic connection by breaking the touch barrier (which I discuss elsewhere in this book), and have a comfortable conversation going, you can start to gradually bring sex into the conversation. You should start talking about sex using a third party example to see how she reacts and whether she gets involved in the topic or rapidly changes the conversation. It’s especially effective if you use a female friend of yours as the third party. The first thing you want to do is to create a lead in. You want to get on an unassuming topic that will lead perfectly into your sexual story. Let’s say you’ve just finished eating dinner and it’s time for desert. Start looking through the desert menu and start talking with her about the choices. Point out something like the apple pie and say, “mmmmm…That sounds good, I could go for apple pie with some whip cream on top – lots of whipped cream. Actually that might get all messy.” Then let out a little chuckle like you just thought of a story. She may even ask what you’re chuckling about. Either way, the next thing you say is, “My friend Diana was telling me the other day that for her boyfriend’s birthday she put whipped cream all over herself, and put cherries over both of her nipples. She made him lick it all off”. Now see how The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
88
she responds. If she laughs and goes with it, it’s an open door to start talking about sex. Try out this exact dialogue on your next day. It’s okay to quote what I wrote word for word. That’s why I’m writing this – to help you out as much as possible. Once the subject is on sex, don’t veer off the subject. Keep talking about it. The more she talks about it with you the more she’ll comfortable with the idea of actually having sex with you. Details Pay attention to details. You'll be amazed at how much women really appreciate it when you notice small details or changes in them. Pay attention to her hair, nails, clothes, weight, etc. Here's a tip that will prove to her that you pay attention to details. On a first date, remember what color her finger nails are. Then on the second date look at her nails (assuming they are a different color now) and say, "That’s a nice color. The pink was nice last time, but I think I like this color on you even more". She will be amazed that you noticed and remembered what color her nails were last time. Also, she'll be excited to stay looking pretty for you in the future. She'll start to think about you the next time she goes to get her hair and nails done. She'll get excited to look hot for you and she'll look forward to The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
89
impressing you further.
The Triple R Technique™ So, you’ve gone on a date with a girl and you really like her. Now you want to make sure that she wants to continue dating you. One way to assure a second date is to be very attentive on the first date to one specific topic that SHE brought up. The first step to The Triple R Technique™ is Remembering. Remember as much as possible about a specific topic that she spoke about. Try to pick a topic that she seemed very interested in. To demonstrate this technique I’ll use a specific situation where I used it recently. I was out a restaurant on a first date with an extremely beautiful woman. She was really into cooking. She was telling me about all he different recipes that she loved to prepare. I could tell that she was really passionate about it. So what did I do after the date? I moved on to the second R and did some simple Research. I went to the food networks website and found some upcoming shows that looked interesting. You can just as easily go to tvguide.com and do a search for anything she might have been talking about. For example, if she was really into tennis, you can search for upcoming shows or tennis or search elsewhere online for The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
90
upcoming tennis events. The next thing I did was called her a few days after our date and I got her voicemail. So I took this opportunity to perform the third R of the triple R Technique. I Recited the new information that I gathered. I remembered she spoke about how she loved making all different kinds of pasta sauces. In my message I included, “Oh, by the way, Emeril is making his Penne Vodka sauce on his show tomorrow night on the Food Network. I doubt it’s as good as yours but I figured I’d let you know if you wanted to pick up a few tips.” Always have this prepared before your phone call after the first date. This way, if she was semi-interested in you and let’s her phone go to voicemail, you have just increased your chances substantially of her calling you back. She will love the fact that you actually listened to what she was saying and took an active interest in it. She’ll be amazed because I highly doubt any other guys have ever done this, thereby making you different and interesting.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
91
Part 4: Unstoppable Techniques For Attracting Women
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
92
Chapter 10: Specific Techniques To Be Used In Battle RELAX! First of all, before you use any of the techniques taught in this book, you must learn to seem relaxed. Never be methodical. Now I know this may sound funny because basically the things I'm teaching you in this course are part of a method for attracting women. The key is to never make it look like you are using a method or using pre-planned techniques for picking them up. You have to make it all seem natural and nonchalant. When a boxer throws a punch that the opponent sees coming, it's called telegraphing. No matter how good a boxer’s technique is, if he telegraphs his punches they are not effective. Many times a boxer doesn't even know that he's telegraphing his punches. It's his old habits that he isn’t aware of that give away what he is doing. In the same way, if a woman senses that you are telegraphing your seduction techniques they will not be effective. A good way to avoid telegraphing the techniques I am teaching you is to relax. Do some deep breathing before you go out. Before you go out to meet women or before a date, go to a quiet place and take in
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
93
20 good deep breaths. Breathe in very deeply and hold it for at least ten seconds. Then breathe out for even longer than you breathed in. Repeat this process 20 times. This will release toxins and help stimulate your lymph system which will relax you. When you are relaxed, you will be able to use these techniques with much less effort. They won't look contrived at all.
Cross The Comfort Line I remember a few years back I had a gorgeous woman come up and ask me the time. She was incredible. She had a body to die for, long flowing hair and the face of a supermodel. She then proceeded to walk along side me and started talking about how humid it was out. I simply agreed and said something insignificant like, "yeah - it is". She walked at my pace for a few more seconds and then proceeded to cross the street and she was out of my life - FOREVER! I thought about this for days after. Why didn't I say anything? Why did I just walk along and pretend that we were just a couple of buddies chatting about the weather. The opportunity was right there and I blew it. Why didn't I ask for her number? After a lot of thought I realized what the problem was. The friendly groove we fell into felt so natural that I The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
94
didn't want to make any waves or to appear creepy by asking for her number. I didn't want to take the chance of crossing her comfort line. It's a natural tendency to think it might be inappropriate to take the friendly conversation to the next level. There is a fear that this will somehow cross a line and you'll destroy the friendly moment. So what!!!! Is it better to let her walk out of your life forever? These are opportunities we can't let pass us by. Always make sure you ask for a phone number after talking a woman that you have interest in.
Look Like You’re Enjoying Yourself If there is one thing you can do at a bar or club that will increase your chances with women tenfold is to look like your having a great time. Remember the Cindy Lauper song “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?”. This is probably the truest statement every made about women. Guys go out to get laid. Girls go out to have fun. So if you’re not in the fun mindset don’t even bother going out. I was always a pretty popular guy and had lots of different groups of guy friends I would go out with. There was one particular “crew” that I used to go out with and every single time I’d go out with them I’d meet tons of hot women. At the time I thought it was just the places we were going to. They used to The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
95
love these 2 or 3 particular places. I used to rave to people about these places telling them that you are guaranteed to pick up if they went there. Then I’d get phone calls from these other guys telling me that they didn’t think the places were anything special. This got me thinking, “If these places weren’t anything special, how the hell were we doing so well with women there?” Then I realized what it was. What was different about these guys and most guys I had been hanging out with is that they were actually fun. We all laughed and had conversation with each other flowing. We all hit the dance floor. We were always smiling and making jokes. Women completely gravitated to us. They wanted to be around us because they too wanted to have fun.
The Forced Favor Technique Several years back when starting my own business I sat down for a consultation with a friend of my family who was the head of Fortune 500 Company. I don't want to mention his name here but let's just say that he is very intelligent and extremely business savvy. He said that the single most important piece of business advice he could give me was to get people to do you favors. When he told me this I just stared The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
96
at him blankly thinking, "That's it? I get to sit down with a business man of his caliber and that's his big advice for me?” Then he continued on to tell me that when people do a favor for you, they automatically assume that they like you. The psychology behind it is that the person subconsciously tells him/herself, "I just did a favor for this person - I must like him. I don't do favors for people that I don't like". I instantly applied this technique in business and in the art of meeting women and I've coined it my "Forced Favor Technique™". The logic applies perfectly to meeting women. If you can get a woman to do a favor for you, no matter how small, you instantly begin to crumble her defenses. She will immediately begin to assume that she likes you. Let's look at a few specific and very practical ways you can apply this technique.
At The Gym The next time you're at the gym, ask an attractive woman for a spot. This is a non-threatening way to get a conversation going and at the same time gets her to do a favor for you. This technique is especially good because it also lets her know that you respect her and are confident enough in your masculinity to ask a woman for a spot. Once The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
97
she does this favor for you, she'll automatically assume on a subconscious level that she must like you. Her subconscious would have a hard time rationalizing the fact she just spotted someone that she doesn't like. This is the perfect time to go in for the kill and get the digits.
At The Beach Situate yourself near one or more women that you interest in. Pick out one woman that you like and when it's time to go for a swim in the ocean, ask her if she'll watch your towel and clothes for you. She won't have too much of choice but to say yes. Go for your swim, come back and then use the rest of your tools to seal the deal.
These are just a couple of examples of how to get a woman to do favors for you but I'm sure you can think of more in all kinds of situations. Get creative and have fun with it!
The Walk Away This is great to use when picking up a woman at a bar or club. Approach a woman and start a conversation with her. After a few The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
98
minutes, once you have her attention, tell you that you’ll be back. Then go back and hang out with your friends. This will get her thinking several things. First of all, it will tell her that you’re there to have a good time with your friends and that you’re not desperately trying to meet someone. It will also get her hoping that you’ll come back. She’ll be wondering if she was interesting or good looking enough. She’ll be hoping and praying that you come back so that she knows she’s “good enough” for you. Also, this instantly puts you in control of the situation. You are now in the driver seat. BAM!!! With one move you accomplished all this! Now walk back over after a while and finish what you started!
Playing on her insecurities Here’s a technique that is extremely effective for breaking though the facade of a woman who is acting like she’s too good for you. Let her know that you’re aware of her secret insecurities and you aren’t afraid to point them out. Now wait a second!! This is not an invitation to insult her. Instead I will show you crafty methods for pointing out her insecurities in ways that will make you seem confident (because no wimp would have the nerve to call her out) and discerning. Here is an The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
99
example of what I’m talking about. During conversation, casually say, “I’m trying to picture what you’d look like with longer hair. You should grow your hair out. It would work better with your symmetrical facial structure”. With this one comment, you actually gave a compliment and at the same time played on a major insecurity. Women spend tons of time and money on their hair and for you to say that just showed tremendous guts. You just proved that you’re not some wimp and got her thinking, “Wow, this guy just might be in my league. I thought he was drooling all over me but apparently I’m going to have to work at getting and keeping his interest”. You’ve just made yourself ten times more challenging and at the same time given her a compliment and an insult that she can’t even get mad at you about. You have just put yourself on the level of a strong, discerning guy who’s not just going to fall for any hot chick that comes his way. If you just said, “Your hair looks terrible”, you would have alarmed her instant defense mechanisms and just made yourself look like a jerk. Another one that works well is, “You should wear a little less makeup. Your face is so beautiful. I’d love to see you with a more natural look”. These are quick ways to shift the momentum of the conversation. If you can tell that she feels superior to you and that she’s starting to The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
100
feel that she’s above your league, this technique is great for leveling the playing field. Instantly you will trigger tons of inner insecurities and keep her on her toes for the rest of the date. The key here is not to come across as a jerk when saying these things. Keep it light, playful and smile a lot. The last thing you want to seem is mean and bitter.
Pretend She’s Ugly Are you Mr. Suave when it comes to talking to ugly women but you become a nervous idiot when the girl is really hot? You’re not alone. Many guys that I’ve coached have expressed this same thing. What you need to do when confronted with this situation is - pretend that she’s the ugly girl that you know wants you. I know it may be hard to do but just keep telling yourself that she’s not really hot and that she wants you badly. A major reason that guys are smoother around less attractive women is because they assume that the woman wants them. You need to really “fool yourself” into believing that this girl isn’t that special and she really wants you. Try to envision, “what would I be saying right now if this girl was ugly and extremely interested in me?” The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
101
Indifference Think of a time when a girl liked you but you had no interest in her. It's likely that you were flattered but you still didn't really care that she existed. The more you ignored her and the more indifferent you acted toward her advances the more she seemed to want you. What was it about this indifferent attitude that drew her closer to you? There are two major reasons for this. The first one is that people want what they can't have. Think about when you were a kid and your parents told you that you couldn't have something. This made you want it ten times more. This is one reason why women often find themselves attracted to men who are already in a relationship. Also, this indifference shows that you are an independent man who's in control of his situation. You don't NEED anything. Women love a man who is not needy.
So now let's look at what you do with a woman who you are really into - The kind of woman who you can't get off your mind - The one who gives you the butterflies in your stomach. Every instinct in you tells you to be anything but indifferent. This instinct is the number 1 The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
102
reason why men fail with women. This is the single most important lesson in this book. Your instincts will lead you to want to tell her how much you like her and shower her with attention. This puts an awkward pressure on a woman - A pressure that she’ll do anything to avoid. You have to start treating this woman exactly like girl who you had no interest in. This doesn't mean you should be as hard as a rock. You need to show just enough interest to keep her attention. You also need to use strategic vulnerability. Take a look at James Bond. He always seems cool, calm and collected. He has beautiful women around him but always seems indifferent to them. He's not mean to them nor does he make it look obvious that he's trying to appear indifferent. He does however allow moments of vulnerability that make women draw close to him.
One key way you can harness this power of indifference is to always keep meeting other women. Even though you've found the one woman that makes your heart go pitter-patter, still actively seek other women. This will keep you busy and in a state where you're more likely to exhibit a natural indifference. The amazing part about it is that these new women will like you too because they'll sense that The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
103
you're indifferent to them too. Before you know it you'll have a web of women in your life and guess what? You'll genuinely be indifferent to all of them because you have so much going on, you won't be able to do all the silly things like calling all the time, or gift buying or ass kissing - and they'll all keep wanting you more and more because of it. It's at this point that you can choose whichever one you want and actually get her with ease.
Mixed Signals If you talk to unhappily married women you'll find that one of their biggest complaints about their husbands is that he is so predictable. Women HATE predictability. They thrive on spontaneity on every level. Now I'm not here to teach you to be Mr. Spontaneous for the next 50 years, but you can definitely learn to seem unpredictable at the beginning of a relationship with no problem. Sending mixed signals will show that you are anything but boring and predictable. I firmly believe that a woman would prefer a toothless 400 pound guy who is fun and spontaneous over a boring, predictable guy with good looks. I am not even exaggerating. That is how strongly I feel that you cannot afford to be predictable with a beautiful woman. Let's face it The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
104
Beautiful women have plenty of choices when it comes to dating. They can probably get almost any man they want. So once you have her slightly interested in you, you NEED to keep her interest. It's not the time to sit back and say, "I got her. I can relax and be myself now". That attitude is the quickest way to make sure that she loses interest. You need to be difficult to figure out. This is what women are talking about when they say that they want a mysterious guy. Think about a puzzle. It's lots of fun when you're trying to figure out how to put the pieces together, but once you have it all figured out it loses all of it's intrigue. It doesn't excite you anymore. You've conquered it - it's finished. Well I hate to break it too you but if you don't keep a woman guessing and trying to figure you out, they'll get bored and look for a new "puzzle" to solve. Now, once you really, really have a woman (and this doesn't usually fully happen until about a year) you don't have to be such a mystery to keep her. Other hormonal instincts will kick in that will make her want to settle down with you and she'll feel good just being comfortable with you. Although it's still a good idea to too always stay somewhat mysterious and spontaneous to keep her on her toes. But at the beginning it's not a choice. You need to send all kinds of mixed signals. Be tough and macho, but be soft and The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
105
sensitive. Sometimes answer the phone and act excited to hear from her. Other times act like you’re too busy to talk. Show interest in her, but be elusive. Give her tons of attention and then take it away. Make her yearn for it. Tell her she's a sweet girl and then call her a brat later on. Now I know some people are reading this and saying, "Do I really have to play all of these games? Can't I just act natural?" The answer is YES, you do need to play all of the games and YES you should act natural. Be natural and relaxed but have fun with these little games. Make them a natural part of your repertoire. I know it can be annoying that you have to play these kinds of games but when it comes to keeping a beautiful woman interested in you at the beginning, you really have to do this stuff. In a perfect world, this dating game would be simple but keeping an attractive woman interested requires tact and effort.
Get Your Props A great prop can make the process of picking up women much easier. A prop becomes an instant topic of conversation. Also, many times a girl will find you attractive and not know exactly how to approach you. That's right - girls get tongue tied, and nervous about The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
106
the approach too! One way to make it easy for her to approach you is by giving her a prop to talk about.
One of the greatest props a guy can get is a dog. Whether it's at a dog walking park or just on the street, a dog is a perfect prop to get conversations going with women. How can a woman resist a guy walking a cute, bright eyed fur-ball? Dogs work especially well with women who also have dogs. You don't even have to have your own dog to make this work for you. After all, dogs can also be a pain in the ass. You have to walk them, clean up their crap and clean dog hair off your clothes all the time. Here's a perfect solution. Ask a friend if you can take their dog for a walk once in a while. They'll be happy to let you do it because it gives them a break from having to walk it. If you have a dog walking park or an area where lots of people walk dogs, go there. Find a woman who you find attractive and walk your dog near her. Your dog will probably start playing with and sniffing away at her dog in no time. Do I need to say more? It's really that simple. Now you have an excuse to start talking to her and the best part is that you immediately have something in common. Don't make brain surgery out of it. Just start talking about the dogs. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
107
Another great prop that I use all the time is a funny t-shirt. I don't really wear these out to bars and clubs much but they're perfect for the gym or during the day on the street. Why wear a plain Hanes tshirt when you can wear a shirt with something catchy on it that will get women laughing and talking to you? It's pretty much a no-brainer. I have met more women because THEY came up and talked to ME about my t-shirts. Some of the best ones that I have say:
"I'm What Willis Was Talking About" "I Taught Your Boyfriend That Thing You Like" "BEARDS – They Grow On You”
These ALWAYS get laughs out of girls and actually get women approaching me all the time about them. To find shirts like these just do a search for funny t-shirts in Google. There are a bunch of good sites out there that have some hilarious shirts. One site that always has a bunch of new stuff is wittyshirts.com. Some of the shirts are really offensive or just plain corny so make sure you choose carefully. If you're unsure if a shirt is a good choice or not, ask a female friend if The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
108
she thinks it's funny, corny or just plain offensive.
Buy Her A Drink? Never buy a woman a drink. It’s logical to assume that if you buy a woman a drink at the bar that she’ll like you. After all, aren’t we supposed to like people who buy things for us? Yes, this seems logical enough, but remember – women are not logical creatures! Want to know what you’re really saying when you buy a woman drink? I’m a sucker. I’m weak and I’m trying to buy your attention because I have nothing else better to offer. Never offer to buy a woman a drink. Many times a woman will accept the drink and stand with you for a little while, but it’s most likely out of pity. A lot of guys have the idea that if they order her a drink and get her to stay around them for a while and drink it, then it’ll allow them enough time to charm her. This does make some sense and if you employ some of my strategies from this book once you have her in your vicinity, you do have a chance of getting her. The problem is that you have set up an uphill battle for yourself because she already thinks you are weak and a sucker. There are many better ways to get her attention and get her to have her stay around you so don’t bother with the drink The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
109
buying thing. Also, don’t buy her a drink if she asks you to. Women love free drinks and they’re usually not very shy about asking for them. Now I don’t mean that when you’re out on a date you shouldn’t buy her drinks but when first picking her up, DON’T DO IT! I know it’s hard to say no. She knows it’s hard to say no too – that’s why she’s asking you. This is also a way for her to test how much of a man you are. By giving in right away and getting her the drink, she’ll assume that you’ll give in all the time about other things too. Another reason that you shouldn’t offer to buy a woman a drink is because it’s overdone. Every other idiot at the bar has tried this approach on her for years and you don’t want to be like every other guy. If she asks you to buy her a drink, simply respond with a cocky but humorous response like, “I’m not in the habit of buying drinks for girls I’m not dating. If you play your cards right with me, maybe I’ll take you on a date and buy you some”.
Chapter 11: Technique Gone Wrong - Mistakes Guys Make With Women The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
110
Mistake 1: Modeling The Wrong Guys One major mistake that I see average joes make time after time is assuming that they can use the same approach as very good looking guys. They see a good looking guy breaking all of the rules that I’ve been teaching you and they think that the same rules apply to them. I hate to tell you this, but the cold reality is that very good looking guys can say almost anything and women will take to them like a magnet. I know it sucks, but it’s a fact of life. These guys can be oblivious and break almost every rule in the book and women will often look past all of their mistakes and still be with them. You CAN’T do the same things these guys do and expect the same results they get. Mistake 2: Using Desperate Measures To Save a Date On a date, guys will attempt all kinds of things when he feels a woman's interest level in him is dwindling. I'm about to tell you some desperate methods guys use on dates when they sense that she's not into him. If you use any of them, STOP immediately!
Acting Too Cool When sensing a woman isn't really feeling him, some guys turn into Mr. Too Cool for the situation. They try to brag about all the women The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
111
they get. They start to get really cocky and arrogant. They hope that by being this cool guy, the girl will say, "wow, I thought he was a dud. He's so cool. He gets all kinds of girls and he must be a stud. I'm starting to find this bad boy hot!". WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. Do you want to know what they are really thinking? "Oh my God this is pathetic. He saw that I was finding him dull and now he's switched up his whole persona to try and get me to like him. What a loser". Women know exactly what you are trying to do when you pull this act, so don't do it!
Searching For Pity Sometimes a guy will just blatantly bring up the fact that the girl doesn't seem interested in him. He'll start putting his head down and looking down and acting like a sick puppy dog. Let me give a huge piece of advice - She's not going to sleep with you because she feels bad for you. Never use the pity approach. By admitting that you notice she's not interested in you before she says it, you'll seem extremely self conscious and destroy any slight chance you have left.
Acting Totally Disinterested The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
112
Another mechanism that guys employ when are girl has lost interest in him is to pretend that they are not interested in her either. Guess what, she's not fooled. She hasn't forgotten that a few minutes ago you were all over her.
Getting Wild This is one that always makes me laugh. A guy who turns into Mr. Wild when hoping to gain back her attention. He assumes that if he gets totally crazy, she'll start to see him as a fun, wild guy and be attracted to it. He starts doing all kinds of show-off acts like slamming shots, dancing like a maniac and all kinds of other stupid things. Do you know what she sees? A total sucker. She knows exactly what has happened. She remembers that you were Mr. Dud for the first half of the date. She realizes that you must have sensed her disinterest and now you've gone to extreme, ridiculous measures to get her attention back. Either that or she'll think you just got really drunk and sloppy. Either way - you're not getting laid!
Don't bother with any of the attempts I've mentioned above. They don't work! If you watch reality dating shows you see pathetic guys The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
113
resorting to these methods all the time. Actually, it’s a good idea to study reality dating shows. If watch these shows enough you start to pick up on things that guys do wrong on dates. I remember a while back when they used to air the dating shows Elimidate, The 5th wheel, Shipmates and Blind Date in a row every night. I used to watch all of them whenever I could to study exactly what guys did wrong in different dating situations.
Mistake 3: Growing Complacent Most guys think that once they get past the second date or so that their job is done. They think they got the girl and they already begin to grow complacent. What they don't realize is that it's at this point that women start to experience something known as cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is a term often used in advertising to describe the feeling of discomfort that a buyer feels after making a substantial purchase. The discomfort arises when the buyer has chosen one product over another. The more expensive the product is, the more the feeling of discomfort. After buying a Mercedes Benz, the purchaser will usually feel cognitive dissonance soon after purchase. Thoughts like these fill the buyers mind: The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
114
"Did I make the right choice?" "Should I have gone with the BMW?" "Was my cousin really right about the Audi having a smoother ride?" To women, the man she chooses in her life is the biggest "purchase" she'll ever make. While you think you got the girl already, she's going through extreme feelings of cognitive dissonance. She begins to think, "Did I choose the right guy? Is he as good a kisser as Joey was? Does my family really like him? Could I feel even stronger feelings for another guy?" In the advertising world, it is thought that the more choices the consumer has, the more cognitive dissonance they will feel. In the Benz example, the purchaser only has a few choices to worry about. A beautiful girl has millions of choices. She can have almost any guy she wants. This creates extreme cognitive dissonance in her. A funny phenomenon that advertisers have noticed is that purchaser will actually try to convince or even fool themselves into believing that they made the right decision by seeking out reasons why they made the right purchase. The new owner of the Benz would go out of their way to read many more ads about Mercedes Benz than about other cars they didn't choose. They would tend to avoid reading ads about cars they considered but did The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
115
not purchase. They'll reread the attractive brochure that sold them on the purchase to make sure the car stays appealing in their mind. Women do these exact same things in a relationship. They WANT to find reasons to support their decision of "purchasing" you. All you have to do is give her some reasons and most guys have grown complacent enough at this point to stop giving any reasons. They think that the purchasing process is over. These guys wouldn’t last 5 minutes in the advertising world. She's dying to rationalize to herself why she chose you over the millions of guys out there in the world. Give her reasons not to experience this dissonance. Stay spontaneous, throw surprises into the mix and stay exciting! Mistake 4: Looking Desperate Have you ever noticed that when you are already in a relationship you meet more women than you ever did when you were single? Every time I get myself involved in a relationship and go out with the guys, I can’t keep women away from me. I find myself thinking, “Where the hell were all of these women when I was single!!?? Why are they all over me now?” The main reason is because I don’t need them. I am not desperate at all, and women can smell desperation like three year old cheese. Of course there are degrees of The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
116
desperation and you may only be exhibiting signs of slight desperation. I want to teach you to be aware of these signs and to make sure you’re showing no signs of desperation. Here are some dead giveaways that you are desperate and how to avoid displaying them in the future: Eyeing Too Many Women At a club or bar are you eyeing every girl in the place? This is a dead giveaway that you are desperate. Lots of guys think that women don’t notice when you stare at every girl that walks by like a hawk. When a hot girl passes you by, do you have to check out her ass as she walks by? Even if you do this subtly, if you do it enough times, other women in the place will notice and instantly begin to perceive this as desperation. Now I know it’s hard not to stare, especially with the way women dress these days, but you have to resist the urge! Is staring at that one girl worth lowering your chance of meeting the rest of the women in the place?
Paying Too Much Attention To Her When you meet a girl at a bar or club, are you hanging all over her? Stop this immediately! You need to make it clear that you don’t need The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
117
her. If you show too much interest or attention you risk the chance of looking desperate. It’s okay to let a woman know that you have some interest, but when you give her too much attention you will look desperate. Let her know that you have some interest and then play it cool. If you play it cool enough and use my other pick up techniques you should be able to get her number. Once you have her number the battle isn’t over. Do not start paying too much attention to her over the phone either. You don’t want to signal her desperation alert. Are you calling too much? When you get a woman’s number you shouldn’t call her much between the first call and the first date. In fact, if you do it right, you only call her once, chat for a little bit thereby reestablishing the rapport that you developed when you first met her, and then plan a date. You need to sound interested, and enthusiastic about the date, but also very busy. Make sure that you are the one to end the call. The key is to sound like you have a lot going on in your life. Here’s a trick to make this easier: Actually have a lot going on in your life! Get hobbies, hang with your guy friends, read books, etc.
Mistake 5: Low Energy The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
118
Projecting a low energy level is a huge mistake that guys make on dates. As soon as a woman perceives you as having low energy, she'll immediately begin to lose interest. Right away she begins to think, "If he has this little energy now, imagine how he'll be if we we’re married for five years. He'll be the guy on the couch all day with his hand down his pants and his beer belly sticking out". This is how women think. They rapidly make extreme judgments and create vivid pictures in their minds about you based on every little thing you do when you are first dating. No woman wants a man who they see as having low energy. Here are some things you might do unknowingly that make you seem low energy.
Speaking in a monotone voice a monotone voice screams, "I'm boring". Work on animating your voice. I go into more detail about this in the voice section of this course.
Having lazy eyes This can be a lifelong habit that you might not even know you do. Your eyes say so much about you. All of those songs and sayings The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
119
about eyes, didn't come about for no reason. Girls think of the eyes as the windows to the soul. You can use your eyes to say a lot about yourself. Do you let your eyelids droop without realizing it. Stop reading this for a minute and go look at yourself in the mirror. Envision yourself on a first date. Picture yourself in her presence. How are your eyes? Are they less than halfway open? Are you looking down a lot? Now open them wider and look straight ahead with your chin up. See how much more alive you look. Now I'm not saying that you should have your eyes blaringly wide open, but you need to open them up more than usual. You can go back to your relaxed "droopy" eyes here and there but you need to be expressive and keep they open wider at least some of the time. Use your eyebrows a lot to express yourself. You can practice this kind of stuff in the mirror. There is a time to keep you eyes more squinted to create mystery and intrigue but at first you need to at least show them that you have passion and enthusiasm in your eyes.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
120
Part 5: Body Language and Voice
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
121
Chapter 12: Secrets Of Body Language It's not enough to assume you're going to brush your hair, throw together a nice outfit and women are just going to be attracted you. You need to learn to create a sexual dynamic between you and the woman. You need to make a woman feel chemistry for you. You hear women saying all the time that they just didn't have that chemistry with their date. Well, I'm here to let you know that you can actually create this chemistry in her. This feeling of chemistry cannot be left up to chance. You have so many tools and techniques to make her begin feeling this chemistry with you.
Most guys just assume that if a woman seems disinterested in them, they must just not be her type. They go on date after date and arouse very little interest in the woman assuming she must like only rich guys or that she only dates guys with Tom Cruise looks or something. They really believe that they are there to just lay their cards on the table and see if she finds them attractive. This couldn't be further from the truth. The problem is that they are doing nothing to MAKE The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
122
HER feel sexual attraction to them. Unlike men who can get in the mood when a stiff breeze passes, women don't fall easily into the mood. It takes finesse and technique. Also, many men make the mistake of assuming they can wait until they get a woman back to their place to start getting her in the mood. You need to begin sexually stimulating her from the beginning of the date.
Using and understanding body language is one of the best weapons you can use to attract women and to understand when they are attracted to you. If you want to begin creating a sexual dynamic with a woman you need to understand body language thoroughly. Kinesthetics Kinesthetics (Kino) is the association of a particular moment with a touch or feeling. Establishing touch with a woman upon first meeting is very important. Women will remember your meeting much more clearly and for a longer period of time if you establish touch with her. If I’m being introduced to a woman I always greet her with hand shake accompanied by a kiss on the cheek (don’t do this in a business situation). Kissing her on the cheek along with a firm hand shake held longer than normal immediately accomplishes so many The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
123
things. It establishes a kino connection that will help her remember you. It also shows that you are bold and not afraid of taking action. Another thing it does is immediately takes away the chance of you falling into the friend zone. With that kiss you secure your spot as an affectionate, sexual being. Another great way to begin the kino process is to lean in when she asks you something and gently touch her arm or back. Begin to pay attention to how she reacts. Does she stiffen up and pull away? Does she go with it? Does she lean in closer to you? Does she touch you back? Pay close attention to these clues because they’ll help you gauge how she’ll respond to your kiss attempt later on. So many guys are oblivious to how she’ll react at the time of going in for the kiss. By that point I can usually tell exactly how she’ll respond. If the opportunity for establishing kino doesn’t seem to be happening you need to create it. Reach over and brush something out of her hair and then act as though it fell on the back of her shoulder and gently brush it to the floor. There doesn’t need to really be anything in her hair. Just brush it off first and then say, “you had something in your hair”. Trust me – she’s not going to search around on the floor until
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
124
she finds the thing that was in her hair. She’ll take your word for it. This is also a great technique because it makes her feel at ease with you. Her subconscious will make her feel like you’ve known each other for a while because only someone that she’s really close with would be concerned and comfortable enough to take something out of her hair.
A perfect opportunity to keep kino going is to occasionally bump your feet against hers under the table. You can even take it a step further and make a little joke saying, “Are you trying to play footsie with me? I knew you liked me”. See how she responds to the little game you’ve started. If she is very receptive you can move on to more intense flirting. The Protector Women have a very strong internal desire to feel safe and protected. When a woman is hugging or resting her head on the chest of a man she’s into, you’ll often here her say, “You make me feel so safe”. I always thought this was kind of funny. I remember when girlfriends used to say this to me, I’d always think, “Safe from what? Are we under attack or something?” After doing years of research about the The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
125
genetic make-up of women, it now makes perfect sense to me. Women are genetically programmed to look for a provider and protector. All of the women’s lib activism in the world can’t change this fact. There are several ways you can use touch to make a woman feel safe and protected. Here’s one that you should use on every first date if you are driving in you car. When pulling up to a stoplight, pretend that you don’t see that there is a red light ahead. Then at the last minute look up and act like you just saw that it is red and hit the brakes. Don’t slam the brakes too hard. Just hit them hard enough so that she will go forward a few inches. As she’s going forward, reach across her as if you’re trying to stop her from going out the windshield. Most of us remember this from when mom used to do it to us when we were a kid. With this one move you’ve instantly satisfied her internal need to find a protector.
Another way to portray yourself as a strong protector is to use your arm as a barrier between her and other people. This works very well in a crowded bar or restaurant. When you’re walking though a crowd, put your arm behind her back creating a shield to prevent people from
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
126
pushing or bumping into her. This is a perfect way to let her know that you’re a protector. She will recognize and respect you for this.
The “Cheek Attack” A technique I like to use to initiate kino is the “Cheek Attack”. This is will establish body contact and open the door for a kiss on the lips later on. Wait for a moment when everything seems to be going right. A great time to use the Cheek Attack is after you just told a funny joke and she’s laughing. Wait until she turns sideways or is glancing away. You want to get a clear look at her cheek first. Then just slide in and give her kiss on the cheek. Don’t dart in and ram your face into hers. Make your approach quickly and then as soon as you get within an inch, slow down and make it nice and soft. Then tell her, “I couldn’t resist. You just looked too cute laughing”.
Tease and touch Remember when you were a kid and you used to play silly games with girls like pulling their hair, play-fighting, and throwing dirt on them? The reason you did this stuff was because it was sure to get their attention. Fast forward to today and they still love this kind of The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
127
playful teasing that borders on being mean. Now, you have to be sure not to do this in a truly mean way. It should be done in a fun and playful way. Here’s one example of how to use this playful teasing to establish kino. I like to actually start a play fight with a girl. This is not good at the initial pick-up point but works well after you’ve been around a girl for at least an hour. Look for a good way to start the play fight – don’t just start out of nowhere. For example – if she mentions she’s been working out, this is a perfect time to initiate the fight. Say something like, “oh yeah? So ya gettin buff? I think I can take ya”. Then square off and start giving her very, very light jabs toward her stomach. When she blocks low, go high and vice versa. Just barely make contact with her. This makes you seem fun and it also breaks the “touch barrier”. This is a great way to initiate contact with a woman. Once you do this it’ll make the transition to touching of a more sexual nature easy. She will subconsciously think, “I let him touch me already…. I must like him…. A little more touching can’t hurt”.
Mirroring and Manipulation One way to establish rapport with a woman and to begin the process The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
128
of developing chemistry is mirroring. Pay attention to how she is positioned. Which way is she leaning? Which way are her legs crossed? Is she leaning forward or backward? Carefully begin to start putting your body in a similar position she is in. Try to mimic her body positioning as closely as possible (without looking like a woman). Don't make this too obvious. As you try it you'll see that it's not very hard to do. Then pay attention to shifts in her body movement. As she shifts position, you shift position. This will subconsciously begin to develop a bond with you and stimulate her level of attraction to you. Now start to change your position here and there. See if she follows. If she starts to follow your positioning changes, keep making them. Just casually shift positions. If you try it for a little while and she’s not following you, go back to mirroring her positioning again. Keep that going for a while and then try to get her to change along with you again. This will begin to establish you as a leader. While she unknowingly follows your body positioning she'll subconsciously begin to see you as the leader of the situation. If you can't get her to follow your positioning - don't worry about it. Just go back to mirroring her. This will be effective enough and will make her believe that you two are on the same wave length. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
129
Understanding Her Body Language Understanding a woman's body language can be a great way to tell if she is attracted to you. Time after time I hear guys saying that they're not sure whether or not a woman is interested. I've even heard this many times from really good looking guys who have women throwing signs at them left and right. It's amazing to me how oblivious most guys are to a woman's body language signals. The great thing about body language is that even when a woman tries to hide her interest she usually can't. Her body language is a dead giveaway for what she's really thinking. However there are some exceptions to this. While body language is very important I don't want you to get discouraged if you aren't seeing any signs. First of all, beautiful woman who are used to getting approached all the time can sometimes turn off most body language by convincing themselves that they aren't interested in you. Some women won't give you a chance off the bat because they have built up an inner dialogue that totally consumes them as soon as they see a guy approaching. This is one reason why standard pick-up lines don’t work. When you try a standard pick-up line, you are telling a woman, “I’m here to pick you The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
130
up”, and very often they’ll instinctively turn off body language. Even if she's giving you no signs of interest at the beginning, have no fear Use the techniques I’ve been teaching you in this book and you’ll get her body language to change from negative to positive in no time. But for now let's assume she isn't being a complete cold fish and she's at least acknowledged your presence. There are many facets of body language that one can observe when judging a woman's level of attraction. Actually at any given time during a conversation there are over a thousand different signals you can look for! Imagine that once you begin to understand these signals you can never be in the dark again about whether a woman is interested in you. Let's start by breaking down each facet of language.
Eye Contact and Movement The first facet we will look at is eye contact and movement. This can tell us a lot about what she's thinking.
Prolonged Eye Contact One of the most obvious signs of interest is prolonged eye contact. Does she hold eye contact with you even slightly more than what The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
131
seems normal? If so, you are doing great.
Pupil Dilation Look at her pupils. Are they dilated? Dilated pupils are a sign of arousal. When a human being sees something of great interest, their pupils dilate significantly. In a dark place it can be hard to tell if they are dilated so in some cases you may have to look to other forms of body language to detect interest.
Blinking Pay attention to her blink rate. Rapid blinking can also be a dead giveaway that she's interested. When some has nervous attraction energy, one way they diffuse it is by blinking rapidly.
Eyebrow Raising A woman will often show interest by raising her eyes browse for an extended period of time accompanied by a smile and then lowering them.
Leg Crossing The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
132
If a woman’s legs are crossed in your direction (top knee pointing toward you) this may be an indication that she’s attracted to you.
Chapter 13: Voice Your voice is the vehicle which will help create a first impression and therefore is extremely important. Guys will spend lots of time trying to dress and act right to get women but they often completely neglect working on their voice, which can be much more important than the other things.
A good voice can penetrate her outer shell and resonate deep within her, arousing passion and excitement. A dull, wimpy voice can put her inner desires to sleep, even if what you’re saying is interesting. I have worked on my voice so much that I can keep any woman on the edge of her seat while conversing with her. The first thing that you need to work on is tone. Women respond well to a deep, bass filled voice. A deep voice literally resonates inside her and arouses all kinds of feelings. A deep, powerful voice speaks directly to a woman’s subconscious mind. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
133
You need to immediately begin working on your voice. My voice was pretty high and weak before I starting working on it. I want you to begin recording yourself having a fake conversation with a woman. Please do this. Too often we read books and skip right through the part where there is work involved but I’m begging you to do this. It’s a worthwhile investment for the rest of your dating life. Go out and get a tape recorder or some other recording device. With a microphone you can record yourself right on your computer. Just say things like, “Hi, how are you? It’s nice to meet you”. Now play back the recording and listen to your voice. Hate what you hear? I thought so. This is what women hear when you are talking to them. Now work on saying the same things in a deeper tone. Feel the words vibrate and resonate in your chest. Here are some methods that will help you develop a strong, deep voice. Practice these every day: Work on Diaphragmatic breathing This is breathing from your belly. It fuels your voice and releases tension from your upper body. Place one hand over your belly button. Inhale slowly one long breath through your mouth while silently The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
134
counting to ten. Your stomach should expand, pushing your hand forward while your shoulders and chest should not move. Feel your hand move out as you pull the breath deep into your lungs. Now, hold that breath and count to ten. Next, exhale the breath through your mouth while counting to ten. Practice this for a little while until it becomes comfortable. Now work on adding sound. Start by making the "Haaa" sound, using up an entire breath on just that one sound. Take in a full belly breath, and as you exhale say a very gentle and quiet sustained “Haaaaaa…” until you run out of air. Do it again and make sure you really open your mouth as you softly sustain the Ha. Once you've done this a few times, start to release tension from your neck and shoulders. Lift your shoulders up toward your ears, hold them for a count of five, and then let them drop, completely releasing them. Next, combine the shoulder bounce with the Ha. With your hands relaxed by your sides, take a full belly breath, and then exhale a gentle sustained Haaaa, running out of air as you did before. Only this time, while you are doing the Ha, simultaneously do the shoulder bounce for the entire time you are making sound.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
135
- Take a deep diaphramic breathe and say the "AH" sound for as long as you can. Write down how long you can hold it for so you can gauge your improvement - Glide from the lowest note to the highest note while saying "OOOOO". Try to keep it slow and steady even if your voice breaks keep going. Glide from the highest note to the lowest note while saying it. Try not to have breaks in your voice but if you do, don’t stop. - Say, “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” for about 30 seconds. Do this 10 times in a row. Pay close attention to how the vibrations feel. Do this every day and eventually you’ll start to become more aware of the vibrations in your everyday speech. The humming will also help strengthen and deepen your voice. Try to be very conscious of using this new deeper voice tone in every day conversation. Make it a part of your every day routine and it will slowly become your new real voice. Animate Your Voice
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
136
You also need to work on animating your voice. Change the pace and pitch throughout the conversation. Work on pronouncing all syllables of words and speaking more clearly. Enjoy the feeling of keeping someone interested in listening to you It’s empowering. Remember, you are an important person and you’re worth listening to!
Part 6: Romance and Style
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
137
Chapter 14: Romance Done Right Once you get a woman back to your place the battle is not completely over. You can really mess things up at this point if you’re not careful. First of all you have to make sure your place is clean. Pay attention to details here guys. Soap scum on the shower floor, hair from shaving in the sink, tons of tissues in the trash can, laundry on the floor these things are major turn-offs.
Setting the mood When you invite a girl in for the first time be a gentlemen to put her at ease. This is not the time to play Mr. Cocky guy. Take her coat if she is wearing one and tell her to sit down and make herself at home. If The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
138
it’s early enough in the night you can point out that you have a movie collection and invite her to look through it while you go make yourself a drink. If it’s after 1:00 a movie is really not that practical so just throw some TV on and give her the remote and tell her to flip around. As your making yourself a drink, tell her that you’re making yourself one and ask if she wants one. Don’t be pushy about the drink thing. You don’t want her to think you’re trying to get her drunk. Then come back, sit beside her and keep the conversation flow going just like it was before she came in to your place. So many guys try to turn into Mr. Smooth all of a sudden when they get a girl back to their place. Don’t suddenly change the type of conversation or break up the flow of things at this point. It’ll take her at least 15 minutes to get comfortable.
Player Alarms A major mistake that many guys make is dimming the lights as soon as they get the girl onto the couch. This is one of several “Player Alarms” that men often do that make women think, “Oh God, he’s about to make a move”. Another thing that a lot of guys do is turn on some romantic music right away. This is another major alarm that The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
139
screams, “I ‘m a player and I’m about to try to get into your pants”. A really smooth guy doesn’t set off these alarms in women. A smooth guy let’s her flip through the TV channels for a while, keeps the conversation going for a little bit and then casually strolls over to the CD player and asks her if she wants to listen to some music. Also don’t turn the TV off and fiddle around with your music collection for a long time in silence. Have some music nearby so you can get it playing fairly quickly. Don’t have it already cued up because then it looks like you had it all set up. Remember - women love spontaneity. If any of this looks contrived it’s an instant turn-off. Choice of music is not to be underestimated. Now I know that when many guys think romantic music they have visions of Barry White and other standard love song singing pop artists but I have to say many women find this stuff cheesy. I know a lot of you are reading this saying, “c’mon chicks love that stuff”, and I agree that lots do love that kind of music but it also screams “cheesy!!!”. It also shows a lack of originality. Here’s your chance to keep some intrigue going. Come up with something more original. A few artists that are great for this are Portis Head, Bjork and Massive Attack to name a few. They are sexy, different, mysterious and they don’t yell, “I learned my romantic The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
140
musical taste from American Idol”.
Chapter 15: Style If you want to make the battle of attracting women easier for yourself, you need to sharpen your weapons. If you went into a battle would you be content with rusty tanks and outdated guns? Of course not. In the same way, you shouldn’t go out to meet women with a sub par appearance.
All you need are 3 great pairs of pants/jeans and 3 great shirts spend the big money on them. Don’t but 50 cheap $10 shirts. Until you get a serious girlfriend. Then you’ll have to get more variety because she’ll start to notice that you only wear the same shirts. But in all practicality you only need a couple of good outfits. A great belt is very key too. Remember - women notice details!!!! Always match your shoes to your belt. If you have a red shirt - go the extra mile and get red shaded sun glasses to match. Your friend Joey won’t notice that you matched them but women will - Trust me! Think about how much time women spend shopping and reading fashion magazines.
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
141
This should be a big red flag that lets you know that they really, really care about this stuff and if we as men don’t start worrying about fashion then we’ll be dropped like a bad habit.
Don’t wear pants or button down shirts that are over 2 years old. Yeah they might be your favorite pair of jeans or it might be a shirt that your favorite Aunt Tessie bought you but you have to throw them away or give them to charity. YOU may not notice what’s wrong with them, but WOMEN will. Fashion designers use a technique called planned obscelesence. They change the fit on clothes slightly every year or sometimes every few months to make older clothes look out of style so you have to spend money buying new ones. Women are well aware of this concept; hence they spend half of their paycheck trying to keep up with the latest fashions. You might not notice the variations in the size of your shirt collar or the taper of your jeans but women have eyes like hawks for this kind of stuff.
Get in shape! Get to a gym right away. I’m not going to into too much detail here, but you have to get yourself on some kind of training regimen. If The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
142
you’re too lazy to workout and get in shape then just stop reading here because you really don’t want to meet women that badly. You don’t have to be Arnold, but there’s really no excuse to at least get your waist lean and have a little bit of muscle tone. Clean up your diet and do at least an hour of some kind of weight training and cardio 4 or more days a week.
Conclusion I hope you enjoyed the ebook portion of The Art Of War For Dating System. I strongly suggest reading this several times until the material becomes second nature. Remember – repetition is the mother of success. Keep a look out for my advanced CD and DVD series where I will get even more specific and delve into extremely advanced techniques. You can stay updated on the newest Art Of War For Dating products by periodically checking on this webpage: http://www.datingwar.com/insider.htm This is a secret page that is only available to people who have read this ebook course. I will keep that page updated with my newest stuff so you can get it before I even release it to the public. The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com
143
I’d like to sincerely thank you for reading this and I look further to coaching you even further in the future! - Spencer Michaels
The Art Of War For Dating by Spencer Michaels ©2007, All Rights Reserved Also check out MindControlHer.com